1989 calendar

It is official - my husband and I have been together for 20 years. Hard to comprehend since I'm only 25 (tee hee). But it's true in 1989 DH and I met, dated, and then became engaged. I have the calendar from that year in my box of treasures. In those days of my life, my wall calendar was like a diary for me.

January reminds me I said good-bye to a friend, which I had a crush on, as he moved away to pursue a career. That young man had been very kind to me and included me in his life and relieved my lonliness. How my heart was crushed when he told me he thought of me like a little sister. How low I felt when he told me he was moving away - lonliness was once again on my horizon.

Little did I know that a young man I saw at the other's going away party, would change my life forever. You see we were all part of a Sunday School class in a large church. I was new to the church, the others had "grown up" together and knew each other. But this guy didn't catch my eye until that going away party. This is my first memory I have of my future hubby.

As the winter progressed we started up conversations after class and before church. The winter months on my calendar shows a young girl working and lonely - trying to figure out life as an adult. I spent a lot of weekends with my grandma.

May shows a change in my activities and my relationships. Future hubby's name is frequently on the dates - esp Sundays. We began going to lunch after church together. Those were are first dates - very casual and very unplanned. I saw Grandma less and a certain guy more.

June reveals more structured or planned dates. Except for the one where we attended his younger brother's high school open house. What is such a big deal about that, you ask? Well... you see, I had never met hubby's family previously nor had he mentioned me to them!!! You can imagine their shock when I arrived at their door for their middle child's open house. I have no idea what I was thinking when I agreed to go - - once I got there, I was petrified!! I got myself through the house and out to the deck where I did not move the rest of the afternoon! My future FIL made sure he learned my name by giving me a pen to sign the guest book, MIL was too busy hosting to engage me in any serious conversation, SIL, who was just a pre-teen at the time, took on the role of spy and kept an eye on me. She was adorable in her pleated, knee length skit, and knee high socks - one having fallen to her ankle :)

That was probably the most traumatic outing of the month. We attended a movie, a professional ball game, 4-th of July picnic, watched fireworks. Then he went away for two weeks. I remember thinking to myself - well that was fun but now it's over. I'm not sure why... as the at the fireworks show, he held my hand for the first time. Oh I was over the moon at that small physical touch. But the next day he left for a mission's trip and I was sure it was over. My sister, however, was trying out a potential new name for me.

I immersed myself in work, volunteered for overtime, and generally kept busy. In the middle of this two week absence I got a post card. I didn't even know he had my address! Sure he had been to my apartment but still....he had my full address including zip code! His card told me what day he'd be home and that I should call him. Call him I did!!! We met up two days after his return.

Now we are at the end of July beginning of August. I am housesitting for friends who have a large active dog. While housesitting my back goes out (from an injury the year before). I couldn't move! This dog needed to be walked, played with, etc. I didn't know what to do...I hestiantly called "him." Explained my situation... this amazing guy came every day following school and work to help me. At the end of my stay, he cleaned the house - spotless, and brought me home, helping me get groceries. It is from that time forward that there are very few days we were not together.

This guy is amazing! He is caring, tender, attentive, selfless... my sister and her husband said to me - - "You need to keep this guy - if you don't we will keep him for ourselves!"

August brought a flurry of weddings, between the two of us, we had 4 weddings to attend in 3 weeks. Whew! It was also my birthday... this is the first time he informed me he loved me. I'll never forget it. He left a card on my pillow for me to find after he left. Oh why did he leave? I just wanted to hug him and return his love. Now I had to wait for him to get home to tell him on the phone!! (long before cellphones were commonplace) The hug had to wait for the next evening after work.

September arrived... our families barely knew each of us, we were so focused on our relationship to the exclusion of everyone else - good thing our intense dating period was short!! One Sunday afternoon, this guy that I was completely head over heels in love with looked at me and said "Do you want to get married?" No pomp and circumstance - just a question. Well, like a poised young girl I responded "Uh... do you?" And like that we decided to get married. LOL

It has been 20 years since that day, nearly 19 years of marriage: I am so glad I said "yes." It has been quite a journey but one that I cherish and do not regret. I look forward to spending the rest of my life with this amazing man. I completely believe that God created this man for me and I for him. I can't imagine my life any other way.

Macaroni & Cheese with Hot Dogs

The 4th anniversary of the death of my brother-in-law is approaching. I asked DD#1 if she had any memories of her uncle. She responded that he was the first one to make Macaroni and Cheese with Hot Dogs for her. Huh?!? Not what I was expecting... her next memory had to do with juice boxes. Apparently food is a memory for her.

So I asked DD#2. She responded with I remember he died of cancer and being at his house with her cousins trying to jump on a pogo stick in the basement. Oh - well that's interesting.

Both of their responses are very interesting to me. Their uncle died when they were 8 and 10. We really did not have much contact with him during the previous 4-5 years as he and his wife, my sister, were no longer married to each other. But I was curious what they remembered as I knew that he really enjoyed being their uncle.

I miss him and for many different reasons. I know his children miss him dearly. This makes my heart ache for them. I have had the privilege of both of my parents my whole life - - in fact I still have them, how blessed am I?

I miss him for his doctoring. You see, he was a chiropractor, my chiropractor. Since his death I have had to seek out a different doctor.

I miss him - just miss him. He was a brother-in-law, a friend, at times an advisor, sometimes a disciplinarian (I being several years younger than he), a babysitter, an irritant, the father of my nephew and niece...

It was a complicated relationship. When I met him I was 14 years old. He was dating my older sister. Boy, did I think he was cute. I couldn't believe how lucky my sister was to being dating such a 'hot' guy. They married a few years later. I was still a young girl - just a teenager. Later, I moved in with he and my sister. I was still in high school and they were expecting their first child. There were some turbulent moments but we got through and we all 'bonded'. Although ALL of us were happy when I turned 18 and could move out on my own.

He and my sister assisted me in getting my first job, first car, and even navigate the trauma of my first vehicular accident which totaled my car. Then it was onto my next vehicle - BIL got to teach me how to drive a stick-shift. Good thing he was a chiropractor for the whiplash :). Following my accident he was my doctor treating the actual whiplash I sustained in the accident.

A few years later, I married. He and my sister as well as my nephew were in the wedding. We were close, the four of us adults, and DH & I thrived in our role as aunt & uncle. Our relationship changed, I was grown up. We would meet as couples and enjoy fun times as adult siblings.

But as life tends to do, it got complicated. He and my sister's marriage fell apart. It was so sad to watch - I had never been so close to a divorce. Even more difficult was the transformation in relationships. Sadly, my own sibling relationship fell victim and was lost. My relationship with my ex-BIL, I never could call him ex... changed too. It was a rough time for everyone. But in the end, he and I were still friends, and we were still uncle or aunt to each other's children.

There are many times I think of this man. He played a pivotal role in my young adult life. Some advice he gave I followed which changed the path of my life forever. I remember he & my sister saying.... "you need to marry that man, if you don't we're keeping him anyway." I did marry "that man" - sooooo happy I did. Other words of wisdom to a young, flat broke girl considering how to pay for rent, car, insurance, bills and considering how to pay for college. "If you don't know what you're going to college for - save your money... you can attend college anytime - have a direction." I didn't go to college. Instead I married a young guy and helped him get a college degree (only one college loan) - in return I have a fantastic husband and have the privilege of being a full time mother since the day my oldest was born.

So this time of year, I remember a man that made an impact in my life. Was he the only person to make impact in my life? No . Was he perfect? ABSOLUTELY NOT! Did God use him in my life? YES! Do I miss him? Most definitely but I hurt more for his children who do not have their father.

Six Months Since the last post

I fell off the blogging wagon. Blame it on Facebook - quick, easy way to communicate with my many 'friends'. Well, I'm back (for today) hee hee. Not sure anyone noticed I was gone.

This past 18 months has been a journey. I have seen the depths of despair, the dark clouds of depression, the uncertainty of life, the shortness of life, rediscovered the blue sky and bright sun, and most importantly laughter and sillyness.

I am prone to pity parties - woe is me: I don't have a friend; a life; money; meaning.....

Well - - I woke up one day and had a change of attitude - HALLELUJAH! I rediscovered laughter (thank you KY - sister friend) and joy. I figured out that life is too short and you know what? Life is HARD period, end of story. I have not met anyone that has an easy life - - rich, poor, employed, unemployed, childless, house full of children - - no matter - LIFE IS HARD!!

Once I got that perspective through my head, I accepted it (well some of the time). With acceptance, came release and the ability to find joy.

My Heavenly Father allowed pain and grief - thank you God, because I now value what I have much more.

A special person came into my life a few years ago. We were friends but this past year our friendship changed into sisterhood! How I love it!!! I have missed my sister these past years - missed the fun, the sharing, the memories, the tears and sorrow. Through years, I have had several sister friends. What a joy they are in my life, the unconditional acceptance and love. But without those times of lonliness I may not recognize these ladies in my life and value them as I do today. To each of you - thank you for being a part of my life, I love you and treasure you. (SK, KY, CS, RV, JA, JG)

Is this what is called a mid-life wake up call? Cuz if it is - I like it! Thank God I have woken up - may I stay awake :)

Friends of all kinds

I have fabulous friends.  They are not all alike - in fact, they are quite unique in many ways.  I need every type of friend in my life.

Some always bring a smile to my face.

Some bring me to tears of laughter.

Some bring me to tears of sorrow.

Some share my burdens, no matter the heavy weight

Some seem to read my mind & mood and know exactly what to do.

Some allow me to serve them which brings me joy.

Some take on the difficult tasks, shielding me from frustration.

Some are honest no matter the cost - they keep me true.

Some energize me and get excited for the next "thing".

Some will come along side me and pray.

Some are always my friend even though we connect very rarely.

Some I am in awe of and aspire to be like them.

Some have been in my life for a long time and others very short.

Some friends have been temporary.

I cherish all my friends!  My best friend is my hubby.  He sees the good, the bad, the ugly and loves me continuously and without condition.