Birthdays and Aging

Today is my birthday.  I am another year older, hopefully a little wiser, and young at heart.  I am now at the stage of aging when many do not care to acknowledge the number.  Some dislike birthdays altogether.  I have a few thoughts of my own on this subject.

This past spring, I lost a friend to a cruel disease, Jacob Cruezfeldt at the young age of 42.  She is survived by her husband and two young sons.  Her age is one of those numbers that many wish they did not achieve, instead desiring to stay at some younger age.  In previous years I have lost a cousin at 48, another acquaintance around 45, and yet another at 52,  an my (ex) brother-in-law at 47.  I empathized with friends and acquaintances in life and Facebook of young children's passing due to accidents and disease.  This has altered my perspective on birthdays and aging.

I do not particularly enjoy the aging process.   The aches, the pains, the fatigue.  I am not really fond of gray hairs although I try to have fun calling them sparkles and cover them up with dye.  The wrinkles are not overly appealing.  Yet.... I am here, I am alive, I am mostly healthy!  I do not wish to lose sight of how fortunate I am.   The Psalmist said it best in Psalm 39:4

 ⁴ “Show me, LORD, my life’s end
   and the number of my days;
   let me know how fleeting my life is.

Psalm 139:13-16 tells me I am fearfully and wonderfully made and that before I was created all my days were ordained.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed body, all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

 I read in Ecclesiastes 8:8a that I have no power when my life will end any more than I can contain the wind.

"As no one has power over the wind to contain it, so no one has power over the time of their death."

Today I am 41 years old.  Blessed to celebrate another year of life!  I am not guaranteed another year, month, or even day.   I am hopeful to celebrate many, many more.  As many as the Lord allows, I plan to celebrate the days and years I have been given.

                                

 

 

 

Walk, walk, walk

New day today, the sun is shining, the temperature is rising, Spring is making a visit.  Yesterday, was a lovely day for Easter giving winter-weary folks a break.   And it looks as to be extended through today.  Although on the weather forecast, I heard a nasty rumor of more winter like weather mid-week.  Spring is really struggling to wedge out winter. 

With Spring comes the ability to get out to walk regularly.  Which is a good thing for my sorry body condition.  I have let things get out of hand.  12 years ago, I battled the bulge and lost a significant amount of weight.  This winter, I allowed myself to gain a significant of that lost portion back. 

I always fight the bulge... a few pounds, maybe up towards 10 extra.  But this year... oh this year, oh dear.  I am not very happy with myself but these are the consequences of aging, eating, and being lazy.  Now to buckle down and work getting things back under control.

My wonderful walking partner and neighbor is helping me along.   We have been walking for 10-11 year.  Usually at a very early, dark hour of the morning.   It began with the need for me to be home prior to my husband leaving work so my babies wouldn't be alone and her need to get to work.  It has worked out so well, that now, as I do not need to be as concerned for my 'babies' we continue to meet during the non-winter months to walk in the early hours.  Well, that and she still needs to get to work. 

We have seen many wonderful sights.  Beholding the wonder of the skies.  Often we stop in awe and these verses of Psalm 91:1-3 come to mind:

¹ The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
² Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they reveal knowledge.
³ They have no speech, they use no words;
no sound is heard from them.

We have seen stars so brilliant on moonless mornings that we have had to stop in adoration.  We have learned to identify a few planets and the difference of them from an airplane *wink wink*.  Meteor showers have been our companions.  During some times of the year, we get observe the beginning of the sunrise as the daylight approaches.  We have even seen the rare Northern Lights (aurora borealis). 

Deer and fox have crossed our path.  One year we skirted so many skunks, we came up with a new parting phrase "may no skunk cross your path."  We've had an owl swoop down silently and close to make us feel it's air as it passed over.  Gave us an opportunity to hold hands too *giggle*.  Another time, a deer ran across the paved road on a particular dark morning.  It startled us right into each others arms, dogs and all. 

Some mornings the moon is so bright and full that we are practically walking in daylight, others are so inky black, it takes all my courage to step out into the darkness.  Especially on the inky black nights we are thankful for our reflective vests and blinking lights.  The vests are to alert sleepy motorists we are on the road and the flashing lights to spot each other as we meet.  Prior to the "flashers" there was more than one frightened occassion as we met, not realizing the other was out there yet.  The "flashers" have eliminated needless heart attacks.

Our morning walks have heard laughter, tears, frustrations, secrets, and many yawns. We have grown in friendship and shared life together one step at a time.  We miss each other through the winter months. It is too icy to risk our necks.  We try to get in weekend, daylight walks during those months.  On the occassional "normal" hours walk, usually on a weekend, we have met neighbors. 

In the early years, we walked nearly everyday.  As the years have gone by and age with responsibilities caught up with us, we have not been as consistent and regular.  But this year... this is the year to get back on track.  At least for me... for crying out loud, I can't wear my clothes.  This is not the new wardrobe I want to buy!

Hunger and Hope

This morning, I was sitting on the sofa recovering from our mini-vacation.  Basically being a couch potato.  Still in my pajamas, not moving fast, watching TV, drinking coffee, hanging out on Facebook, and re-stylizing my blog.  How do you like the new look, by the way?   

My husband had asked me yesterday if we had anything going on today, which I responded with a negative, except for the church drama practice in the evening.  So, I was enjoying doing nothing.  It is Spring Break after all. 

On a random whim, I checked my calendar.  It's online, easily accessible from any electronic device in my possession.  I also print it out regularly and post to be viewed by all family members.  My problem is not in putting things on the calendar as much as looking at the calendar.  I am constantly double booking myself or forgetting things because I think I have it all in my head.  I really do need to understand that my memory is not as young and agile as it once was in years past.  Note to self, you are middle aged now, nothing is as it once was.

Anyway, I looked at our calendar only to gasp!  We are signed up to volunteer, as a family, this afternoon at a local food distribution.  Oops!  How did we all forget?  Especially since DD#1 regularly participates in this with school for community service hours.  UGH!  I was not feeling very energized by the thought.  I am pooped!  But we had signed up realizing that with the Easter holiday and Spring Break extra hands are needed. 

We got up off our rear ends and made ready to go.  This being the first time for all us except for DD#1, we were not certain what to expect.  In fact, there was uncertainty as to what time we were to arrive.  We arrived a couple of hours prior to the start of the distribution.  People were already lining up outside the doors, waiting in the cold wind for the food. 

We were put to work opening boxes and redistributing some of the items.  The quantity and selection of the food was impressive.  Frozen items, produce, meat, canned good, even some children's birthday bags.  All the volunteers were gathered shortly before door opening.  We were given brief instructions and we prayed.

For over 90 minutes we handed out food to hundreds of people.   Each time I looked up from my station of handing out canned goods, I saw a constant stream of people, it did not seem to end.  Young, old, tired, every ethnicity, every walk of life and in my community.  A few times I looked into the face of someone that could be me.  On the street, anywhere else,  I would never guess they were any more needy than I.  A few that I know personally came through: some helping others, some for themselves. 

I did my best to offer a smile and a kind word to each one that came through, treating each with the dignity they deserve.   Some were trying to hide being uncomfortable going through the line, others were too tired and weary to care what anyone thought of them.  Some did not speak English well, as I was handing out an item that is a definite like or dislike, I did my best to communicate with them to give them option of taking it or not. 

Once I found my rhythm in handing out the items, I had a chance to purposefully and specifically pray.  I prayed to see each of them with the eyes of Jesus.  That my words and actions would convey the love of Jesus.  I prayed each would find hope and a bit of cheer.  That there would be something... a word or item in the cart that would give them joy on this Easter holiday.  I pray that each would know Jesus' love and joy.

There are hurting people everywhere, from every walk of life.  Poor, rich, young, old, healthy, sick, every race.  Our current economy is finding more in the area of need.  Some who never thought they would be in such a position.  Frankly, we are just one job away from being in a very similar predicament.  I am thankful everyday for the my husband's job and all that it provides for our family.  It is not something to take for granted.

For many years, my family has packaged food with an organization called Feed My Starving Children.  (www.fmsc.org) We have helped to feed starving children around the world.  This gives us the opportunity to help those in our community, in our backyard, those that are not that very different from our own family.

Will I return?  Yes.  It is hard work, my body aches from shifting and moving canned goods.  But that is nothing, I will recover soon.  It is a minuscule sacrifice to know that a simple act can bring hope.

Marriage - half my life

Another milestone in my life. 20 years of marriage which equals half of my life. I married young and during an era when our peers were trying each other out by living together. We made the more traditional commitment of getting married then living together.

I recently attended a mini-seminar during a ladies retreat where I was asked: when getting married what were two of your expectations. I pondered on that question as my "classmates" began writing down their answers. Later I learned some of them... that we would be 'happy happy happy'; 'we'd be in love always'...

Admittedly, my memory is poor. So I had to 'think' like my 19 year old self. I remembered being starry eyed in love, planning a big traditional wedding. I remember feeling those mushy feelings of love and thinking my 'man' was so cute! I desired to spend every moment possible with him.

I also remembered the stress of planning the wedding, caught between my desires and our parents' ideas of appropriateness for the event. I distinctly recall telling him that if I couldn't "please" all these people in planning "my" wedding maybe we shouldn't get married. My husband-to-be held me close and assured me he loved me and I need not "please" these others, and a wedding event did not make a marriage. (Later his grandmother reminded me to always take care of my husband and children first).

We were so terribly young. I didn't think so at the time, but looking back we were very young. At our wedding he was 22 years old and I had just turned 20. The arrogance of youth, the confidence of youth, the audacity of youth. And naive in our our youthfulness.

We chose to marry at a the church where, interestingly, we had met. In God's infinite wisdom we were fortunate to have a seasoned semi-retired minister be assigned to perform our wedding ceremony. As part of having our wedding in this church we were required to attend some pre-marriage classes and well as several private sessions with our minister. I recall the classes covering topics on money, the importance of saving money and balancing your checkbook. We didn't have any money at the time so that was easy for us at the moment. Another topic was on sexual purity, waiting until your wedding night. Hmmmmm, can't recall any of the other topics but I remember there six total classes and being bored silly. Ha ha.

Our time with Pastor Nelson was the most instrumental. A seasoned minister and a veteran spouse. He talked us through all the potential pitfalls and challenges in marriage. What will you do; how will you feel if you can't have children? Oh, by the way, how many children to do you want, please answer individually. How will you handle financial stress? Illness? Most importantly, I remember learning from him that marriage would involve lots of compromises... he recommended we skip the tube toothpaste and go right for the pump or at minimum get two tubes. He guaranteed us that one would want to squeeze from the bottom and the other from the top. Yep, he was right.

I don't recall all that dear man counseled us, but I know it stuck. We were marrying in an time when the divorce rate was 50%. Our friends were rejecting marriage in favor of living together. We were odd: being very young when many were not getting married until after college and careers were started; we hadn't dated many others; our dating relationship was short. He prayed with us and I believe continued to pray for us through out his remaining years.

So back to those two expectations. I wrote down: we'd be married forever and we'd have children. Thus far, two decades of marriage and two children.

It hasn't been easy. There were times that I didn't want to be married to him but didn't want to leave without him. We've had our struggles over money, parenting, household jobs, communication, .... But I made a resolution 20 years ago to live my life with this man, for better or for worse. I don't care for the worse, so I have sought the better - even when it wasn't so good. Am I soooo happy I have fought for it!

I am still crazy in love with my husband. He is the best! My starry eyed love still shows but has grown into more of a deep, admiring love for an individual who stays with me, loves me, cares for me all while knowing all my faults. Believe me, I am not easy to live with, often I can't live with myself. I definitely got the better end of this deal!

Another Year; Another Decade

Yesterday I celebrated my birthday. The celebrations for those years that end in Zero seems to warrant bigger celebrations.

When you turn 10 - it is very exciting to enter the two digit world, oh to go back to the single digits.
When you turn 20 - life is very exciting and liberating. You are thought of as an adult, finally.
When you turn 30 - You realize that 29 is the age you will remain, time is going by to swiftly.
When you turn 40 - WHOA! put on the breaks, life is speeding by quickly. Hey, where did those gray hairs come from - - that's not ME in the mirror.

That is my experience thus far - up to date, as of yesterday LOL

What will be 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 100 - yes 100, need to stay around that long to torture, I mean love, my children :)

I have been tending to make big celebrations the year before the 'zero' year. For my 29th birthday I talked my dad into rising early to make and serve pancakes at the local Threshing Show - an annual festival that 'must' be attended.

My 39th birthday - well now that was a bash. Girlfriends together, in costume and character for the evening.... I was a lady of status and money (LOL LOL), we had a detective, a cow girl, a serf, a medieval queen, a toddler... we dined; we piled in an SUV, rolled down the windows waving at everyone singing ABBA at full volume; packaged food for starving children; and watched a comedy video. Just being silly!! OH it was fun!

Now my 40th I spent with my family. Three months prior I bought tickets to see the Broadway production of Wicked which nicely is playing during my birthday in my town. Good thing I bought those tickets three months ahead of time. About a month prior to my birthday, I had adopted a dog, expensive deal, who knew? She was free after all! Had I not had the tickets I think hubby would have given me a picture of Gracie and declared it my gift.

Now the dog.... she has been brought several projects one of which was installing an underground fence around about 3 acres of our property. She has a propensity to chase the my precious kitties, something I am not pleased about with her. However, the cats will run into the barn for safety. Unfortunately, the floor to the shed never did get finished so the openings under the door allow even a large dog to get underneath. This just won't do, as once in the shed, Gracie runs everywhere, terrorizing. SO...... this requires dirt, lots of dirt. Something that needed to be done years and years ago. Now it must be done.

Back to my birthday. The morning of my birthday, 80 tons of dirt arrived. What more could a girl want? I mean really, this is great, previously I have received a lawn sweeper, another birthday a nail gun with 3,000 nails but dirt, now dirt, that is extra special.

Before the dirt can be spread, the shed must be cleaned out. OH WHAT A JOB! 12 years of stuff, equipment, stuff, to move, clean out, sort through. UGH! Hubby has a tendency to keep stuff along with tractors, combine, hay baler, skid steer, lawn mowers, a car that needs fixing, tools, tools, stuff, stuff, ladders.... you get the idea.

Back to the morning of my birthday... I started out going to exercise, then I got to stop at the city recycling center to off load a lot of cardboard (from the shed), then home to clean out the shed and pay for the dirt, then into town to take the aluminum cans to the recycling center, back home to shovel dirt and clean out more stuff. I did get to drive the skid steer! Yes, a girl can do that too.

This was my morning and afternoon - - cleaning out and shoveling dirt. What a special day. Sound exciting yet? I'm tired.

But the real fun was yet to come: hubby and I got cleaned up, dressed up, and made our way to the city. We had dinner reservations where they had personalized menus for me! Wishing me a happy birthday. I finally got cake - yummy cheesecake following a meal of lobster and shrimp linguini Diavolo. I could not pass up the appetizer of Portabello Mushroom and Goat Cheese Bruschetta, very yummy. It was all delicious! I even managed to not over eat (i.e. not clean my plate). So I was pleasantly full.

Then we were off to see the show! Sitting next to my best friend, my hubby, watching a fantastic performance of Wicked. Priceless and a memory to treasure for a lifetime.

An excellent way to launch this next decade of life. A fantastic family, a dog, hard work, good food, and great entertainment.

P.S. my children are just wonderful too.... they need not do anything extra special for they are a gift just being part of my life.

Purple with Sparkles

A sign of aging is the discussions of failing body parts. Now I consider myself rather young. I haven't yet hit middle age because I plan on living for 100 years or more. I want to be there to watch my own children and giggle as they go through these stages. After all that is exactly what they are doing to me. I desire the pleasure of giving them the "I told you it would happen to you" look many, many times.

But as I said, I consider myself rather young. My warranty has expired but the parts are still working relatively fine - just not quite as well as before, more like rusty. The first body parts to really betray me are my eyes. I had fine eye sight. 20-20 or better with an astigmatism that I was told would one day cause me a problem. Well, reading was becoming quite tiresome and I determined it was time to visit the eye doctor when I realized I had quit reading more than a paragraph at a time.

I was a good patient... undergoing all the fun exams, looking at different letters, answering which picture was clearer. I figured I had done quite well. I was rather pleased with myself. I determined that my lack of reading must be to fatigue. Yep that is it - fatigue. I maintained my delusion right up to the moment the doctor informed me that yes, indeed the astigmatism, was causing me issues. Not only that but my far sight was failing me as well! WHAT?!?! Did I want a prescription for bi-focals, two sets of glasses, contacts? WHAT?!? You mean not only do I need reading glasses BUT I would find glasses beneficial for seeing far away things too. Mind you- it is a mild, nothing "requiring" glasses but it would likely help reduce headaches and eye fatigue, that kind of thing.

I am wondering what I ever did to my eyes for them to betray me as such. I always wear sun glasses, I try to avoid looking into bright lights or over using them. In fact I prefer to have my eyes closed, sleeping.

Well, I opted for the bi-focal. I went out the door to purchase my glasses. I figure, if you need to wear glasses you may as well make a statement, an accessory, a feature enhancer. I chose these delightful frames that looked great on me.

The fateful day came when the glasses were ready to be picked up. I put them on...they looked fabulous on me. I could even see - better yet, I could read! I thanked the young gal and made my way out the door. That is when the trouble began - I couldn't see - anything! It was blurry, there were shooting lights, my eyes teared up, I was nauseous, ... the glasses came off! Try again at home. How unfair from no glasses to bi-focal in one giant leap!

I was told by my glasses wearing hubby - you'll get use to them, give them time. What did he know - he didn't have bi-focals yet. My glasses wearing friends gave me words of encouragement. Some told me my frames were too skinny - needed more glass width. And the discussions went on.... most of the time I didn't wear them. After two months I gave up and took them back to be broken into two glasses - one for reading and one for "seeing".

This system worked out well for a while but I was frustrated when going to church, meetings, grocery store, anywhere I went that I needed to see and read at the same time. I started to wear my reading glasses on a rope around my neck. Not yet middle-aged me - glasses on a rope! Crazy! I disliked it very much....

Six months later.... DH goes to the eye doctor *giggle* - he's older than I by a whole two years - *giggle* He gets the same deal - time for bi-focals. Although he has the advantage of being a seasoned eye glass wearer. We go to pick up his new spectacles together. While there I couldn't resist looking at the frames and wondering if I was ready to "try" again. DH was rather helpful in the en devour. He offered up different frames to try... his choice - purple with sparkle flowers on the sides. Ooooooo these are lovely and fun. Quite the accessory. I was willing to try with these fun frames.

I adore my new frames! And what's more I love the lenses within them :) I can see and read. Very little adjustment to these. Ahhh success. But.... still my eyes have betrayed me - how dare they?!? Well, if you gotta have spectacles - have fun ones is my motto.