Macaroni & Cheese with Hot Dogs

The 4th anniversary of the death of my brother-in-law is approaching. I asked DD#1 if she had any memories of her uncle. She responded that he was the first one to make Macaroni and Cheese with Hot Dogs for her. Huh?!? Not what I was expecting... her next memory had to do with juice boxes. Apparently food is a memory for her.

So I asked DD#2. She responded with I remember he died of cancer and being at his house with her cousins trying to jump on a pogo stick in the basement. Oh - well that's interesting.

Both of their responses are very interesting to me. Their uncle died when they were 8 and 10. We really did not have much contact with him during the previous 4-5 years as he and his wife, my sister, were no longer married to each other. But I was curious what they remembered as I knew that he really enjoyed being their uncle.

I miss him and for many different reasons. I know his children miss him dearly. This makes my heart ache for them. I have had the privilege of both of my parents my whole life - - in fact I still have them, how blessed am I?

I miss him for his doctoring. You see, he was a chiropractor, my chiropractor. Since his death I have had to seek out a different doctor.

I miss him - just miss him. He was a brother-in-law, a friend, at times an advisor, sometimes a disciplinarian (I being several years younger than he), a babysitter, an irritant, the father of my nephew and niece...

It was a complicated relationship. When I met him I was 14 years old. He was dating my older sister. Boy, did I think he was cute. I couldn't believe how lucky my sister was to being dating such a 'hot' guy. They married a few years later. I was still a young girl - just a teenager. Later, I moved in with he and my sister. I was still in high school and they were expecting their first child. There were some turbulent moments but we got through and we all 'bonded'. Although ALL of us were happy when I turned 18 and could move out on my own.

He and my sister assisted me in getting my first job, first car, and even navigate the trauma of my first vehicular accident which totaled my car. Then it was onto my next vehicle - BIL got to teach me how to drive a stick-shift. Good thing he was a chiropractor for the whiplash :). Following my accident he was my doctor treating the actual whiplash I sustained in the accident.

A few years later, I married. He and my sister as well as my nephew were in the wedding. We were close, the four of us adults, and DH & I thrived in our role as aunt & uncle. Our relationship changed, I was grown up. We would meet as couples and enjoy fun times as adult siblings.

But as life tends to do, it got complicated. He and my sister's marriage fell apart. It was so sad to watch - I had never been so close to a divorce. Even more difficult was the transformation in relationships. Sadly, my own sibling relationship fell victim and was lost. My relationship with my ex-BIL, I never could call him ex... changed too. It was a rough time for everyone. But in the end, he and I were still friends, and we were still uncle or aunt to each other's children.

There are many times I think of this man. He played a pivotal role in my young adult life. Some advice he gave I followed which changed the path of my life forever. I remember he & my sister saying.... "you need to marry that man, if you don't we're keeping him anyway." I did marry "that man" - sooooo happy I did. Other words of wisdom to a young, flat broke girl considering how to pay for rent, car, insurance, bills and considering how to pay for college. "If you don't know what you're going to college for - save your money... you can attend college anytime - have a direction." I didn't go to college. Instead I married a young guy and helped him get a college degree (only one college loan) - in return I have a fantastic husband and have the privilege of being a full time mother since the day my oldest was born.

So this time of year, I remember a man that made an impact in my life. Was he the only person to make impact in my life? No . Was he perfect? ABSOLUTELY NOT! Did God use him in my life? YES! Do I miss him? Most definitely but I hurt more for his children who do not have their father.

Six Months Since the last post

I fell off the blogging wagon. Blame it on Facebook - quick, easy way to communicate with my many 'friends'. Well, I'm back (for today) hee hee. Not sure anyone noticed I was gone.

This past 18 months has been a journey. I have seen the depths of despair, the dark clouds of depression, the uncertainty of life, the shortness of life, rediscovered the blue sky and bright sun, and most importantly laughter and sillyness.

I am prone to pity parties - woe is me: I don't have a friend; a life; money; meaning.....

Well - - I woke up one day and had a change of attitude - HALLELUJAH! I rediscovered laughter (thank you KY - sister friend) and joy. I figured out that life is too short and you know what? Life is HARD period, end of story. I have not met anyone that has an easy life - - rich, poor, employed, unemployed, childless, house full of children - - no matter - LIFE IS HARD!!

Once I got that perspective through my head, I accepted it (well some of the time). With acceptance, came release and the ability to find joy.

My Heavenly Father allowed pain and grief - thank you God, because I now value what I have much more.

A special person came into my life a few years ago. We were friends but this past year our friendship changed into sisterhood! How I love it!!! I have missed my sister these past years - missed the fun, the sharing, the memories, the tears and sorrow. Through years, I have had several sister friends. What a joy they are in my life, the unconditional acceptance and love. But without those times of lonliness I may not recognize these ladies in my life and value them as I do today. To each of you - thank you for being a part of my life, I love you and treasure you. (SK, KY, CS, RV, JA, JG)

Is this what is called a mid-life wake up call? Cuz if it is - I like it! Thank God I have woken up - may I stay awake :)

Friends of all kinds

I have fabulous friends.  They are not all alike - in fact, they are quite unique in many ways.  I need every type of friend in my life.

Some always bring a smile to my face.

Some bring me to tears of laughter.

Some bring me to tears of sorrow.

Some share my burdens, no matter the heavy weight

Some seem to read my mind & mood and know exactly what to do.

Some allow me to serve them which brings me joy.

Some take on the difficult tasks, shielding me from frustration.

Some are honest no matter the cost - they keep me true.

Some energize me and get excited for the next "thing".

Some will come along side me and pray.

Some are always my friend even though we connect very rarely.

Some I am in awe of and aspire to be like them.

Some have been in my life for a long time and others very short.

Some friends have been temporary.

I cherish all my friends!  My best friend is my hubby.  He sees the good, the bad, the ugly and loves me continuously and without condition. 

Remodeling in the holiday season

December tends to have enough busyness without any added projects. This year, we have the kitchen completion happening with the approaching holiday.

With the chaos of the remodel, putting up decorations is futile. With that, none of us are in a particularly holiday mood. I have found this fact to be nice. We are not anxious to "get things done" before the big holiday. We have an attitude that, if we can, great; if not, no big deal. The girls and I actually enjoyed a shopping outing looking for gifts. Even the gift giving has changed since we are looking for reasonably priced gifts as our budget is taken up with remodeling. I think our gifts are a little more thought out and definitely not as grandiose. With DH laboring on the remodel, I believe we have even found more family time than we typically have at this time of year. When Daddy has finished laboring for the day and is "resting" or maybe we are awaiting the next stage of the project, we have time as a family to be together - - - watching movies. But as I think of it, our family time is also as we work together on the remodeling project. All of us are involved instead of running here and there from one event to the next.

I am missing some of the decorations. Pictures of Christmas morning in the future years, I might feel a little sad. However, the excitement of having an operating oven again has tempered my yearnings. I am hopeful to put up a few things once the counters are installed. Once we grout the new tiled floor, the refrigerator (in the family room area) can return to the kitchen - makes room for a tree, if we desire. With the counters, the cook-top and dishwasher should also leave the dining room take their rightful places in the kitchen. Oh, imagine how big our little space will then feel!

Last evening, we pulled together and made a casserole. It was so tasty! After so many months of microwave food, take-in, dine-out, cold sandwiches we were ready for some good, home cooked, comfort food. Eating tator-tot casserole never tasted so good. Hopefully I can remember that when it becomes mundane once again.

The excitement of the cabinets being installed has given way to the reality of all the tedious, time consuming, back laboring work still to be done to make the project complete. The floor being laid is another huge step. Unfortunately, our counter installation has been delayed. I was so hopeful it would have been this week but now will not happen until early next week. We are still on track to make Christmas dinner in our new kitchen.

Thankfulness

Thanksgiving Day, a day set aside specifically to remember our blessings and give thanks. From the beginning of our country's existence we have given thanks to our Heavenly Father, for His hand upon our lives. Sometimes it is easier to give thanks than at other times. I imagine those brave travelers on the Mayflower finally reaching land after a tumultuous journey, upon the sight of land the rejoicing and time of thanksgiving that must have followed. For some on that journey a loved one was lost to illness, yet they were thankful at their arrival.

For me, some days are easier to be thankful than others. The Bible says "be thankful in everything". This is a lofty task. During a challenging, trying time, I have little feelings of thankfulness. I usually cannot see the benefit or anything to be thankful of during a difficulty. I am usually sour, dour, and irritated - not thankful. I just want whatever 'it' is to go away. How do you become thankful during those trying times? One piece of advice is to keep a thankful journal. A journal one can refer to when one isn't feeling particularly thankful. Remember the things that are good, to remember what God has done in your life. Usually after that trying time, during reflection I can see many things of which to be thankful. I am not much a journal person - this blog is a close as I tend to get to a journal. But this is something that I think I want to institute, it could be a file on my computer.

Today, on Thanksgiving Day Eve, I remember a few things I am thankful for in my life:
The gift of God's Son Jesus, His sacrifice on the Cross, that I can have eternal life and look forward to living with Him in heaven.
My wonderful, loving husband. He truly is a gift.
My beautiful daughters. I have been entrusted with precious lives that have brought much joy.
My warm, snug home. It hasn't always been snug but it is today. It is just the right size for our family.
Our freedoms we have in America - - many of which are taken for granted... speech, religion, mobility, etc.
Our health - - we have thus far been blessed with health.
Fabulous friends that surround us during the good, bad, and the ugly.
Simple things such as a soft bed, hot water, email, modern appliances, reliable vehicles, beauty of nature

This list could go on and on... it is just a small sampling of what I am thankful for this day.

Integrity and Faith

Now Daniel so distinguished himself among the administrators and the satraps by his exceptional qualities that the king planned to set him over the whole kingdom. At this, the administrators and the satraps tried to find grounds for charges against Daniel in his conduct of government affairs, but they were unable to do so. They could find no corruption in him, because he was trustworthy and neither corrupt nor negligent. Finally these men said, "We will never find any basis for charges against this man Daniel unless it has something to do with the law of his God." Daniel 6:3-5

Wow! Daniel was a man of integrity and faith. Could these words be said of me... something to stive to attain.