Last year, I gave my husband a gift of an Bass Guitar. I had no idea, at the time, how much he would appreciate this musical instrument. I knew he was interested in the guitar, he seemed to have a keen interest in bass, but he had never played this instrument prior to this time. He does have piano and violin background from his childhood and a great appreciation of music. A most sought after 'sound guy' in our local church.
He has spent hours teaching himself this instrument. Picking it up quite quickly. Within in just about two months, he began playing with our local church worship team (we attend a small church). Our previous bass guy moved away and there was an opportunity for him to join. A prodigy? No, but passable in our small rural town church, absolutely. We now own amps, yes more than one, music stands, sheet music, fret chording sheets, apps on the iPad, compressor thingys, etc. I am always in awe at my husband's industriousness and dedication upon any task at hand.
One of the more recent purchases is a training video by a reknown bass player, Victor Wooten. I have patiently 'watched' this video with him. Okay watching is a bit of a stretch, I am usually reading, folding laundry, or otherwise distracted.
One day shortly thereafter, I received a phone call from hubby asking what I was doing on a particular evening. It was a Tuesday evening which is a complicated day in our home, one in which our two children are going in opposite directions, as well as it is a day that I watch our niece. What's going on, I asked, thinking I was in for a fun day of juggling children on my own. As it turned out, Victor Wooten was scheduled to appear in our metro area. Of course, he wanted to go, and as it turned out, wanted me to go with him. Awwwww.
I rearranged our schedule, called in favors to transport our teens, and told him to get the tickets. I really had no idea what I was attending, all I understood was I had a date with my man. I've done something similar before in our relationship... while dating he asked me if I would go to a season of college hockey games with him if he bought me the tickets. I said yes, not having really any knowledge of hockey. I just understood it was time with the guy I loved. I have a love of our local college hockey team as a result.
This particular evening was filled with Victor Wooten band and Stanley Clark band. I was out of my element, not really understanding the music entirely, but appreciating tremendous talent. Learning to appreciate jazz, enjoying an evening of fine dining, and a date with my guy. Nine months ago, I never would have imagined that my gift of a guitar would lead to a whole new experience, a new world of music appreciation, a new love of my husband who never ceases to amaze me.
It will be difficult to top this gift.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Newborns
When my heart is heavy is when I feel most like blogging. Isn't that interesting. This past week I ended a Bible Study, had an unfortunate confrontation over a mis-understanding, and hurt for the people of Japan experiencing the devastation of the earthquake and tsunami. So my heart is heavy.
In the midst of all this, I have something to share, unrelated to these items. And here I will share with you, those who are interested.
I am, admittedly, a baby lover. If there is a newborn in the room, that is likely where you will find me. I enjoy holding these precious children new to life. The are so trusting, warm, needy, and tiny. It is pure joy for me to hold these babies, admire their features, absorbed their warmth, in essence, snuggle.
On a recent Sunday morning, I had the privilege of holding such a baby. He is only about a month old. Tiny and new, and perfectly formed. The sermon of the morning was on Psalm 42&43. It was a good lesson from an knowledgeable teacher about the messianic message in these Psalms. Something I had not pondered previously.
However, during the sermon, holding this newborn, my attention had opportunity to wander to the newborn in my arms. And my thoughts went something like this, my own personal lesson of the morning:
This little guy is the third child in his family. He looks so much like his siblings, that I just know he belongs in their family. His pronounced chin is a family feature. When he screws up his face to yawn or to cry I see the same expression in his siblings, even at this young age, his mannerisms are the same... so many similarities.
We shifted positions from the arm cradle to chest-to-chest, he curled right in and fell asleep, secure and trusting. I must confess, my favorite snuggle position with a newborn. The ceiling fans had been turned on so I covered his little head with his blanket to protect him from the draft. However, his arm dangled leaving his hand for me to admire. Even looking at his hand, I could see the family resemblance. I often admired his mother's long fingers and this guy has the same long fingers. I thought, "Wow! Even his hand shows to whom he belongs."
My thoughts then shifted to an analogy... do others look at just 'my hand' and think "she belongs to Christ, I can see the family resemblence?" Do others see a facial expression or mannerism and see Jesus reflected? When one looks at me do they know to whom I belong? Am I so secure in the arms of Christ, that I turn into Him, relax, trust, and let Him carry and hold me, like this little guy, who doesn't know me, was doing?
These thoughts are overwhelming and deep. My own private lesson and challenge from my teacher, Jesus.
In the midst of all this, I have something to share, unrelated to these items. And here I will share with you, those who are interested.
I am, admittedly, a baby lover. If there is a newborn in the room, that is likely where you will find me. I enjoy holding these precious children new to life. The are so trusting, warm, needy, and tiny. It is pure joy for me to hold these babies, admire their features, absorbed their warmth, in essence, snuggle.
On a recent Sunday morning, I had the privilege of holding such a baby. He is only about a month old. Tiny and new, and perfectly formed. The sermon of the morning was on Psalm 42&43. It was a good lesson from an knowledgeable teacher about the messianic message in these Psalms. Something I had not pondered previously.
However, during the sermon, holding this newborn, my attention had opportunity to wander to the newborn in my arms. And my thoughts went something like this, my own personal lesson of the morning:
This little guy is the third child in his family. He looks so much like his siblings, that I just know he belongs in their family. His pronounced chin is a family feature. When he screws up his face to yawn or to cry I see the same expression in his siblings, even at this young age, his mannerisms are the same... so many similarities.
We shifted positions from the arm cradle to chest-to-chest, he curled right in and fell asleep, secure and trusting. I must confess, my favorite snuggle position with a newborn. The ceiling fans had been turned on so I covered his little head with his blanket to protect him from the draft. However, his arm dangled leaving his hand for me to admire. Even looking at his hand, I could see the family resemblance. I often admired his mother's long fingers and this guy has the same long fingers. I thought, "Wow! Even his hand shows to whom he belongs."
My thoughts then shifted to an analogy... do others look at just 'my hand' and think "she belongs to Christ, I can see the family resemblence?" Do others see a facial expression or mannerism and see Jesus reflected? When one looks at me do they know to whom I belong? Am I so secure in the arms of Christ, that I turn into Him, relax, trust, and let Him carry and hold me, like this little guy, who doesn't know me, was doing?
These thoughts are overwhelming and deep. My own private lesson and challenge from my teacher, Jesus.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Marriage - half my life
Another milestone in my life. 20 years of marriage which equals half of my life. I married young and during an era when our peers were trying each other out by living together. We made the more traditional commitment of getting married then living together.
I recently attended a mini-seminar during a ladies retreat where I was asked: when getting married what were two of your expectations. I pondered on that question as my "classmates" began writing down their answers. Later I learned some of them... that we would be 'happy happy happy'; 'we'd be in love always'...
Admittedly, my memory is poor. So I had to 'think' like my 19 year old self. I remembered being starry eyed in love, planning a big traditional wedding. I remember feeling those mushy feelings of love and thinking my 'man' was so cute! I desired to spend every moment possible with him.
I also remembered the stress of planning the wedding, caught between my desires and our parents' ideas of appropriateness for the event. I distinctly recall telling him that if I couldn't "please" all these people in planning "my" wedding maybe we shouldn't get married. My husband-to-be held me close and assured me he loved me and I need not "please" these others, and a wedding event did not make a marriage. (Later his grandmother reminded me to always take care of my husband and children first).
We were so terribly young. I didn't think so at the time, but looking back we were very young. At our wedding he was 22 years old and I had just turned 20. The arrogance of youth, the confidence of youth, the audacity of youth. And naive in our our youthfulness.
We chose to marry at a the church where, interestingly, we had met. In God's infinite wisdom we were fortunate to have a seasoned semi-retired minister be assigned to perform our wedding ceremony. As part of having our wedding in this church we were required to attend some pre-marriage classes and well as several private sessions with our minister. I recall the classes covering topics on money, the importance of saving money and balancing your checkbook. We didn't have any money at the time so that was easy for us at the moment. Another topic was on sexual purity, waiting until your wedding night. Hmmmmm, can't recall any of the other topics but I remember there six total classes and being bored silly. Ha ha.
Our time with Pastor Nelson was the most instrumental. A seasoned minister and a veteran spouse. He talked us through all the potential pitfalls and challenges in marriage. What will you do; how will you feel if you can't have children? Oh, by the way, how many children to do you want, please answer individually. How will you handle financial stress? Illness? Most importantly, I remember learning from him that marriage would involve lots of compromises... he recommended we skip the tube toothpaste and go right for the pump or at minimum get two tubes. He guaranteed us that one would want to squeeze from the bottom and the other from the top. Yep, he was right.
I don't recall all that dear man counseled us, but I know it stuck. We were marrying in an time when the divorce rate was 50%. Our friends were rejecting marriage in favor of living together. We were odd: being very young when many were not getting married until after college and careers were started; we hadn't dated many others; our dating relationship was short. He prayed with us and I believe continued to pray for us through out his remaining years.
So back to those two expectations. I wrote down: we'd be married forever and we'd have children. Thus far, two decades of marriage and two children.
It hasn't been easy. There were times that I didn't want to be married to him but didn't want to leave without him. We've had our struggles over money, parenting, household jobs, communication, .... But I made a resolution 20 years ago to live my life with this man, for better or for worse. I don't care for the worse, so I have sought the better - even when it wasn't so good. Am I soooo happy I have fought for it!
I am still crazy in love with my husband. He is the best! My starry eyed love still shows but has grown into more of a deep, admiring love for an individual who stays with me, loves me, cares for me all while knowing all my faults. Believe me, I am not easy to live with, often I can't live with myself. I definitely got the better end of this deal!
I recently attended a mini-seminar during a ladies retreat where I was asked: when getting married what were two of your expectations. I pondered on that question as my "classmates" began writing down their answers. Later I learned some of them... that we would be 'happy happy happy'; 'we'd be in love always'...
Admittedly, my memory is poor. So I had to 'think' like my 19 year old self. I remembered being starry eyed in love, planning a big traditional wedding. I remember feeling those mushy feelings of love and thinking my 'man' was so cute! I desired to spend every moment possible with him.
I also remembered the stress of planning the wedding, caught between my desires and our parents' ideas of appropriateness for the event. I distinctly recall telling him that if I couldn't "please" all these people in planning "my" wedding maybe we shouldn't get married. My husband-to-be held me close and assured me he loved me and I need not "please" these others, and a wedding event did not make a marriage. (Later his grandmother reminded me to always take care of my husband and children first).
We were so terribly young. I didn't think so at the time, but looking back we were very young. At our wedding he was 22 years old and I had just turned 20. The arrogance of youth, the confidence of youth, the audacity of youth. And naive in our our youthfulness.
We chose to marry at a the church where, interestingly, we had met. In God's infinite wisdom we were fortunate to have a seasoned semi-retired minister be assigned to perform our wedding ceremony. As part of having our wedding in this church we were required to attend some pre-marriage classes and well as several private sessions with our minister. I recall the classes covering topics on money, the importance of saving money and balancing your checkbook. We didn't have any money at the time so that was easy for us at the moment. Another topic was on sexual purity, waiting until your wedding night. Hmmmmm, can't recall any of the other topics but I remember there six total classes and being bored silly. Ha ha.
Our time with Pastor Nelson was the most instrumental. A seasoned minister and a veteran spouse. He talked us through all the potential pitfalls and challenges in marriage. What will you do; how will you feel if you can't have children? Oh, by the way, how many children to do you want, please answer individually. How will you handle financial stress? Illness? Most importantly, I remember learning from him that marriage would involve lots of compromises... he recommended we skip the tube toothpaste and go right for the pump or at minimum get two tubes. He guaranteed us that one would want to squeeze from the bottom and the other from the top. Yep, he was right.
I don't recall all that dear man counseled us, but I know it stuck. We were marrying in an time when the divorce rate was 50%. Our friends were rejecting marriage in favor of living together. We were odd: being very young when many were not getting married until after college and careers were started; we hadn't dated many others; our dating relationship was short. He prayed with us and I believe continued to pray for us through out his remaining years.
So back to those two expectations. I wrote down: we'd be married forever and we'd have children. Thus far, two decades of marriage and two children.
It hasn't been easy. There were times that I didn't want to be married to him but didn't want to leave without him. We've had our struggles over money, parenting, household jobs, communication, .... But I made a resolution 20 years ago to live my life with this man, for better or for worse. I don't care for the worse, so I have sought the better - even when it wasn't so good. Am I soooo happy I have fought for it!
I am still crazy in love with my husband. He is the best! My starry eyed love still shows but has grown into more of a deep, admiring love for an individual who stays with me, loves me, cares for me all while knowing all my faults. Believe me, I am not easy to live with, often I can't live with myself. I definitely got the better end of this deal!
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Parenting Acrostic
I had the privilege of sharing a short talk/devotion at my sister-in-law's baby shower. This is what I shared with everyone:
PARENTING
P is for prayer. Parenting is praying. It is our highest calling and greatest privilege to pray for our child. Seeking God’s guidance, wisdom for this child placed in your responsibility.
A is for advocate. As a parent, you alone will feel the deep desire for success, care, love, etc of your child.
You are their biggest cheerleader, bully, protector, strongest VOICE for your child. Advocate for your child’s well being, education, friends, etc.
R is for rejoice. Rejoice in your child, in each and every stage. Celebrate who he/she is, her/his accomplishments. Sometimes a child is not who you dreamed it would be – rejoice in how God made him/her.
E is for exhaustion. Parenting takes a lot of energy. Sleepless nights, continuous motion, activities, projects, chasing after small legs that never seem to tire. Take care of yourself to keep up with this bundle of energy.
N is for nurturing. Providing for the needs of food, shelter, love, security. Take care of your relationship with the Lord, your marriage, yourself, your children. One of the very best to give your child stability and security… keep your marriage important, your family strong.
T is for Teaching/Training. A parent is a child’s first, ever present, and most powerful teacher. It begins with learning how to eat, sleep, talk, walk, sit down, be quite, manners, behavior. Balance with love and discipline. Discipline is as important as love.
I is for Intuition. A parent’s “gut” is God given! You are more in tune with your child than anyone else. Listen to it and if necessary make others listen to it!
N is for Never..give up. Each child is precious and parenting will likely be your most challenging job. Through any situation with your child - NEVER give up. God put this child into your life know you were the perfect parent! Take a break for a weekend (many willing to help you) but never give up.
G is for Go. Go back to prayer. When you think you have prayed enough, go back and pray again.
Now for the 'fun' acrostic:
P = peeing, pooping, puking
A = accidents
R = running
E = exhaustion
N = naps
T = teasing
I = imagination
N = naps
G = giggles
PARENTING
P is for prayer. Parenting is praying. It is our highest calling and greatest privilege to pray for our child. Seeking God’s guidance, wisdom for this child placed in your responsibility.
A is for advocate. As a parent, you alone will feel the deep desire for success, care, love, etc of your child.
You are their biggest cheerleader, bully, protector, strongest VOICE for your child. Advocate for your child’s well being, education, friends, etc.
R is for rejoice. Rejoice in your child, in each and every stage. Celebrate who he/she is, her/his accomplishments. Sometimes a child is not who you dreamed it would be – rejoice in how God made him/her.
E is for exhaustion. Parenting takes a lot of energy. Sleepless nights, continuous motion, activities, projects, chasing after small legs that never seem to tire. Take care of yourself to keep up with this bundle of energy.
N is for nurturing. Providing for the needs of food, shelter, love, security. Take care of your relationship with the Lord, your marriage, yourself, your children. One of the very best to give your child stability and security… keep your marriage important, your family strong.
T is for Teaching/Training. A parent is a child’s first, ever present, and most powerful teacher. It begins with learning how to eat, sleep, talk, walk, sit down, be quite, manners, behavior. Balance with love and discipline. Discipline is as important as love.
I is for Intuition. A parent’s “gut” is God given! You are more in tune with your child than anyone else. Listen to it and if necessary make others listen to it!
N is for Never..give up. Each child is precious and parenting will likely be your most challenging job. Through any situation with your child - NEVER give up. God put this child into your life know you were the perfect parent! Take a break for a weekend (many willing to help you) but never give up.
G is for Go. Go back to prayer. When you think you have prayed enough, go back and pray again.
Now for the 'fun' acrostic:
P = peeing, pooping, puking
A = accidents
R = running
E = exhaustion
N = naps
T = teasing
I = imagination
N = naps
G = giggles
Friday, August 20, 2010
Another Year; Another Decade
Yesterday I celebrated my birthday. The celebrations for those years that end in Zero seems to warrant bigger celebrations.
When you turn 10 - it is very exciting to enter the two digit world, oh to go back to the single digits.
When you turn 20 - life is very exciting and liberating. You are thought of as an adult, finally.
When you turn 30 - You realize that 29 is the age you will remain, time is going by to swiftly.
When you turn 40 - WHOA! put on the breaks, life is speeding by quickly. Hey, where did those gray hairs come from - - that's not ME in the mirror.
That is my experience thus far - up to date, as of yesterday LOL
What will be 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 100 - yes 100, need to stay around that long to torture, I mean love, my children :)
I have been tending to make big celebrations the year before the 'zero' year. For my 29th birthday I talked my dad into rising early to make and serve pancakes at the local Threshing Show - an annual festival that 'must' be attended.
My 39th birthday - well now that was a bash. Girlfriends together, in costume and character for the evening.... I was a lady of status and money (LOL LOL), we had a detective, a cow girl, a serf, a medieval queen, a toddler... we dined; we piled in an SUV, rolled down the windows waving at everyone singing ABBA at full volume; packaged food for starving children; and watched a comedy video. Just being silly!! OH it was fun!
Now my 40th I spent with my family. Three months prior I bought tickets to see the Broadway production of Wicked which nicely is playing during my birthday in my town. Good thing I bought those tickets three months ahead of time. About a month prior to my birthday, I had adopted a dog, expensive deal, who knew? She was free after all! Had I not had the tickets I think hubby would have given me a picture of Gracie and declared it my gift.
Now the dog.... she has been brought several projects one of which was installing an underground fence around about 3 acres of our property. She has a propensity to chase the my precious kitties, something I am not pleased about with her. However, the cats will run into the barn for safety. Unfortunately, the floor to the shed never did get finished so the openings under the door allow even a large dog to get underneath. This just won't do, as once in the shed, Gracie runs everywhere, terrorizing. SO...... this requires dirt, lots of dirt. Something that needed to be done years and years ago. Now it must be done.
Back to my birthday. The morning of my birthday, 80 tons of dirt arrived. What more could a girl want? I mean really, this is great, previously I have received a lawn sweeper, another birthday a nail gun with 3,000 nails but dirt, now dirt, that is extra special.
Before the dirt can be spread, the shed must be cleaned out. OH WHAT A JOB! 12 years of stuff, equipment, stuff, to move, clean out, sort through. UGH! Hubby has a tendency to keep stuff along with tractors, combine, hay baler, skid steer, lawn mowers, a car that needs fixing, tools, tools, stuff, stuff, ladders.... you get the idea.
Back to the morning of my birthday... I started out going to exercise, then I got to stop at the city recycling center to off load a lot of cardboard (from the shed), then home to clean out the shed and pay for the dirt, then into town to take the aluminum cans to the recycling center, back home to shovel dirt and clean out more stuff. I did get to drive the skid steer! Yes, a girl can do that too.
This was my morning and afternoon - - cleaning out and shoveling dirt. What a special day. Sound exciting yet? I'm tired.
But the real fun was yet to come: hubby and I got cleaned up, dressed up, and made our way to the city. We had dinner reservations where they had personalized menus for me! Wishing me a happy birthday. I finally got cake - yummy cheesecake following a meal of lobster and shrimp linguini Diavolo. I could not pass up the appetizer of Portabello Mushroom and Goat Cheese Bruschetta, very yummy. It was all delicious! I even managed to not over eat (i.e. not clean my plate). So I was pleasantly full.
Then we were off to see the show! Sitting next to my best friend, my hubby, watching a fantastic performance of Wicked. Priceless and a memory to treasure for a lifetime.
An excellent way to launch this next decade of life. A fantastic family, a dog, hard work, good food, and great entertainment.
P.S. my children are just wonderful too.... they need not do anything extra special for they are a gift just being part of my life.
When you turn 10 - it is very exciting to enter the two digit world, oh to go back to the single digits.
When you turn 20 - life is very exciting and liberating. You are thought of as an adult, finally.
When you turn 30 - You realize that 29 is the age you will remain, time is going by to swiftly.
When you turn 40 - WHOA! put on the breaks, life is speeding by quickly. Hey, where did those gray hairs come from - - that's not ME in the mirror.
That is my experience thus far - up to date, as of yesterday LOL
What will be 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 100 - yes 100, need to stay around that long to torture, I mean love, my children :)
I have been tending to make big celebrations the year before the 'zero' year. For my 29th birthday I talked my dad into rising early to make and serve pancakes at the local Threshing Show - an annual festival that 'must' be attended.
My 39th birthday - well now that was a bash. Girlfriends together, in costume and character for the evening.... I was a lady of status and money (LOL LOL), we had a detective, a cow girl, a serf, a medieval queen, a toddler... we dined; we piled in an SUV, rolled down the windows waving at everyone singing ABBA at full volume; packaged food for starving children; and watched a comedy video. Just being silly!! OH it was fun!
Now my 40th I spent with my family. Three months prior I bought tickets to see the Broadway production of Wicked which nicely is playing during my birthday in my town. Good thing I bought those tickets three months ahead of time. About a month prior to my birthday, I had adopted a dog, expensive deal, who knew? She was free after all! Had I not had the tickets I think hubby would have given me a picture of Gracie and declared it my gift.
Now the dog.... she has been brought several projects one of which was installing an underground fence around about 3 acres of our property. She has a propensity to chase the my precious kitties, something I am not pleased about with her. However, the cats will run into the barn for safety. Unfortunately, the floor to the shed never did get finished so the openings under the door allow even a large dog to get underneath. This just won't do, as once in the shed, Gracie runs everywhere, terrorizing. SO...... this requires dirt, lots of dirt. Something that needed to be done years and years ago. Now it must be done.
Back to my birthday. The morning of my birthday, 80 tons of dirt arrived. What more could a girl want? I mean really, this is great, previously I have received a lawn sweeper, another birthday a nail gun with 3,000 nails but dirt, now dirt, that is extra special.
Before the dirt can be spread, the shed must be cleaned out. OH WHAT A JOB! 12 years of stuff, equipment, stuff, to move, clean out, sort through. UGH! Hubby has a tendency to keep stuff along with tractors, combine, hay baler, skid steer, lawn mowers, a car that needs fixing, tools, tools, stuff, stuff, ladders.... you get the idea.
Back to the morning of my birthday... I started out going to exercise, then I got to stop at the city recycling center to off load a lot of cardboard (from the shed), then home to clean out the shed and pay for the dirt, then into town to take the aluminum cans to the recycling center, back home to shovel dirt and clean out more stuff. I did get to drive the skid steer! Yes, a girl can do that too.
This was my morning and afternoon - - cleaning out and shoveling dirt. What a special day. Sound exciting yet? I'm tired.
But the real fun was yet to come: hubby and I got cleaned up, dressed up, and made our way to the city. We had dinner reservations where they had personalized menus for me! Wishing me a happy birthday. I finally got cake - yummy cheesecake following a meal of lobster and shrimp linguini Diavolo. I could not pass up the appetizer of Portabello Mushroom and Goat Cheese Bruschetta, very yummy. It was all delicious! I even managed to not over eat (i.e. not clean my plate). So I was pleasantly full.
Then we were off to see the show! Sitting next to my best friend, my hubby, watching a fantastic performance of Wicked. Priceless and a memory to treasure for a lifetime.
An excellent way to launch this next decade of life. A fantastic family, a dog, hard work, good food, and great entertainment.
P.S. my children are just wonderful too.... they need not do anything extra special for they are a gift just being part of my life.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Not Enough
Do you ever feel as if what you are and who you are is not enough? If not, I am very happy for you.
For me, however, I have entered a time of feeling that I am not enough.
Not enough for my family (extended)
Not enough for my friends
Not enough for my pets
Not enough for my ministry
Not enough for volunteer hours
I want to yell... I am doing the best I can! or If you could see my heart you would see the real intent!
My wonderful, fantastic hubby is very supportive and helps control the gate on my time and activities. But I struggle so much with the balance. I am privileged to be home full-time. Part of this position is home educating our children - which is a full time job in of itself.
Since hubby works many hours and has a couple of hours commuting each day, he is not home much during the day. He arrives home in the evening at about the time I must leave if the children or I have an activity. We become ships passing not seeing each other. I have strove to keep those evening activities limited and sporadic to allow for family time. But life being what it is... it is Not Enough.
Summer adds additional challenges. Lawn mowing, which this year has been about every 5 days. At 4-5 hours on the mower each time this is a significant time chunk. I get opportunities to visit with friends that I do not get to see during the school year. I fear my regular friends feel neglected and left out. *sigh* Not Enough.
Family has different demands - not just in physical time but emotional time. I am not who they want me to be and I feel the continual tugs to be different. *sigh* Not enough. Please see inside me and see my tender heart... some of my actions are protective actions. I have done all I can do, relationships are what they are and it takes two to dance.
I am blessed with many friends... I just can't be there and do everything with them. I have chosen my family as my priority... which means I get them to their activities and strive to be home or out with them in the evenings. Tough balancing act to do these things while mowing the lawn, taking care of the house, laundry, and taking the dog out for a walk everyday (which is a good thing for me too). *sigh* Not Enough.
The organization in which I put in many volunteers hours just keeps seeking, well more like demanding, more and more. *sigh* Not Enough.
My poor hubby and children - I fail in providing for them. All too often they are foraging for dinner, on limited supplies because that requires someone to buy groceries. I was thrilled this week to plan and provide three meals in a row! But again - - Not Enough.
I JUST WANT to quit! But quitting is not an option. For it is Not Enough to quit and would not solve anything. My option... to evaluate my priorities and make a plan.
I know my Heavenly Father sees me, hears me, understands me the best. He created and wired me. He is gracious to nudge me in directions I should go or away from paths I am walking. I look to Him to set the standard.
My prayer is that my Heavenly Father would whisper in the ears - she is doing enough. Accept her as I created her. She is following ME and that is enough.
For me, however, I have entered a time of feeling that I am not enough.
Not enough for my family (extended)
Not enough for my friends
Not enough for my pets
Not enough for my ministry
Not enough for volunteer hours
I want to yell... I am doing the best I can! or If you could see my heart you would see the real intent!
My wonderful, fantastic hubby is very supportive and helps control the gate on my time and activities. But I struggle so much with the balance. I am privileged to be home full-time. Part of this position is home educating our children - which is a full time job in of itself.
Since hubby works many hours and has a couple of hours commuting each day, he is not home much during the day. He arrives home in the evening at about the time I must leave if the children or I have an activity. We become ships passing not seeing each other. I have strove to keep those evening activities limited and sporadic to allow for family time. But life being what it is... it is Not Enough.
Summer adds additional challenges. Lawn mowing, which this year has been about every 5 days. At 4-5 hours on the mower each time this is a significant time chunk. I get opportunities to visit with friends that I do not get to see during the school year. I fear my regular friends feel neglected and left out. *sigh* Not Enough.
Family has different demands - not just in physical time but emotional time. I am not who they want me to be and I feel the continual tugs to be different. *sigh* Not enough. Please see inside me and see my tender heart... some of my actions are protective actions. I have done all I can do, relationships are what they are and it takes two to dance.
I am blessed with many friends... I just can't be there and do everything with them. I have chosen my family as my priority... which means I get them to their activities and strive to be home or out with them in the evenings. Tough balancing act to do these things while mowing the lawn, taking care of the house, laundry, and taking the dog out for a walk everyday (which is a good thing for me too). *sigh* Not Enough.
The organization in which I put in many volunteers hours just keeps seeking, well more like demanding, more and more. *sigh* Not Enough.
My poor hubby and children - I fail in providing for them. All too often they are foraging for dinner, on limited supplies because that requires someone to buy groceries. I was thrilled this week to plan and provide three meals in a row! But again - - Not Enough.
I JUST WANT to quit! But quitting is not an option. For it is Not Enough to quit and would not solve anything. My option... to evaluate my priorities and make a plan.
I know my Heavenly Father sees me, hears me, understands me the best. He created and wired me. He is gracious to nudge me in directions I should go or away from paths I am walking. I look to Him to set the standard.
My prayer is that my Heavenly Father would whisper in the ears - she is doing enough. Accept her as I created her. She is following ME and that is enough.
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