Walk, walk, walk

New day today, the sun is shining, the temperature is rising, Spring is making a visit.  Yesterday, was a lovely day for Easter giving winter-weary folks a break.   And it looks as to be extended through today.  Although on the weather forecast, I heard a nasty rumor of more winter like weather mid-week.  Spring is really struggling to wedge out winter. 

With Spring comes the ability to get out to walk regularly.  Which is a good thing for my sorry body condition.  I have let things get out of hand.  12 years ago, I battled the bulge and lost a significant amount of weight.  This winter, I allowed myself to gain a significant of that lost portion back. 

I always fight the bulge... a few pounds, maybe up towards 10 extra.  But this year... oh this year, oh dear.  I am not very happy with myself but these are the consequences of aging, eating, and being lazy.  Now to buckle down and work getting things back under control.

My wonderful walking partner and neighbor is helping me along.   We have been walking for 10-11 year.  Usually at a very early, dark hour of the morning.   It began with the need for me to be home prior to my husband leaving work so my babies wouldn't be alone and her need to get to work.  It has worked out so well, that now, as I do not need to be as concerned for my 'babies' we continue to meet during the non-winter months to walk in the early hours.  Well, that and she still needs to get to work. 

We have seen many wonderful sights.  Beholding the wonder of the skies.  Often we stop in awe and these verses of Psalm 91:1-3 come to mind:

¹ The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
² Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they reveal knowledge.
³ They have no speech, they use no words;
no sound is heard from them.

We have seen stars so brilliant on moonless mornings that we have had to stop in adoration.  We have learned to identify a few planets and the difference of them from an airplane *wink wink*.  Meteor showers have been our companions.  During some times of the year, we get observe the beginning of the sunrise as the daylight approaches.  We have even seen the rare Northern Lights (aurora borealis). 

Deer and fox have crossed our path.  One year we skirted so many skunks, we came up with a new parting phrase "may no skunk cross your path."  We've had an owl swoop down silently and close to make us feel it's air as it passed over.  Gave us an opportunity to hold hands too *giggle*.  Another time, a deer ran across the paved road on a particular dark morning.  It startled us right into each others arms, dogs and all. 

Some mornings the moon is so bright and full that we are practically walking in daylight, others are so inky black, it takes all my courage to step out into the darkness.  Especially on the inky black nights we are thankful for our reflective vests and blinking lights.  The vests are to alert sleepy motorists we are on the road and the flashing lights to spot each other as we meet.  Prior to the "flashers" there was more than one frightened occassion as we met, not realizing the other was out there yet.  The "flashers" have eliminated needless heart attacks.

Our morning walks have heard laughter, tears, frustrations, secrets, and many yawns. We have grown in friendship and shared life together one step at a time.  We miss each other through the winter months. It is too icy to risk our necks.  We try to get in weekend, daylight walks during those months.  On the occassional "normal" hours walk, usually on a weekend, we have met neighbors. 

In the early years, we walked nearly everyday.  As the years have gone by and age with responsibilities caught up with us, we have not been as consistent and regular.  But this year... this is the year to get back on track.  At least for me... for crying out loud, I can't wear my clothes.  This is not the new wardrobe I want to buy!

The battle is over ... rest in peace friend.

Some days are hard.  This is one of those days.  Couple of days actually.  I feel absolutely certain that my heart cannot take anymore for a while. 

Today is Easter.  A day set aside to remember and celebrate that Jesus rose from the dead.  He died a cruel, horrible death on a cross for the sin of the world - for my sin.  But the grave could not hold him...three days later he rose and then ascended to sit at the right hand of His Father.    I celebrated with my family, church family, and friends. 

And yet....
My friend M laid languishing in her final battle with Cruetzfeldt-Jakob disease.  I am told Easter is her favorite holiday.  She enjoyed making it special for her family.  But she did not get to enjoy it this year, instead she labored to live.  And now has lost her battle.  She is now with the Risen Savior face to face. 

I am happy for her and sad for us.  She is no longer suffering but we have lost her.   Again - it is so unfair.  My mother's heart is broken.  Her little guys will now forever associate Easter with the death of their mother.  Not fair!

Some come into our lives a short time yet leave a long lasting impression... She'll be missed.  May she rest in peace.

Losing the battle of Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease

I have been trying to figure out how to express some thoughts.  Again, another attempt.  Please excuse my rambling, wandering thoughts.

My friend M is fading and slipping away.  It has been over a week since I visited and she lost consciousness only a day and half after I was there.  She has since been moved to hopice.  I am told a beautiful, serene place.


It is hard to watch someone suffer, to watch the ones that love her suffer, to suffer along with them. Something inside me desires her suffering end, which means we lose her. The other part, wants her to stay with us as long as possible. Even so, the dreaded word has come that she likely will pass within a day or so. Why during Easter? Oh, does the family need to have this memory attached to the holiday? I suppose they would anyway, but still.......


Cruetzfeldt-Jakob Disease (CJD) is known for it's swiftness.  Some may live up to two years.  But not for M, her symptoms appeared just a few five to six weeks ago.  She is slipping away.   No longer seemingly aware of her enviornment, she looks as if she is peacefully sleeping. 

I do not want to consider what is happening to her.  The very thought frightens me.   I pray she is truly peaceful and comfortable.  I pray she can feel the love surrounding her.  I pray she is not afraid, that the God of all comfort is there with her. 


The anger of her diagnosis has faded leaving behind sadness and resignation.  A resignation that there is nothing that can be done.  CJD does not have a cure.


Please pray for M, her family, her friends.  Remember them in the coming days, months, years.  Her boys are young.  They now face the future without  their mother at their side. 

.....  my heart weeps and the tears fall.

Hunger and Hope

This morning, I was sitting on the sofa recovering from our mini-vacation.  Basically being a couch potato.  Still in my pajamas, not moving fast, watching TV, drinking coffee, hanging out on Facebook, and re-stylizing my blog.  How do you like the new look, by the way?   

My husband had asked me yesterday if we had anything going on today, which I responded with a negative, except for the church drama practice in the evening.  So, I was enjoying doing nothing.  It is Spring Break after all. 

On a random whim, I checked my calendar.  It's online, easily accessible from any electronic device in my possession.  I also print it out regularly and post to be viewed by all family members.  My problem is not in putting things on the calendar as much as looking at the calendar.  I am constantly double booking myself or forgetting things because I think I have it all in my head.  I really do need to understand that my memory is not as young and agile as it once was in years past.  Note to self, you are middle aged now, nothing is as it once was.

Anyway, I looked at our calendar only to gasp!  We are signed up to volunteer, as a family, this afternoon at a local food distribution.  Oops!  How did we all forget?  Especially since DD#1 regularly participates in this with school for community service hours.  UGH!  I was not feeling very energized by the thought.  I am pooped!  But we had signed up realizing that with the Easter holiday and Spring Break extra hands are needed. 

We got up off our rear ends and made ready to go.  This being the first time for all us except for DD#1, we were not certain what to expect.  In fact, there was uncertainty as to what time we were to arrive.  We arrived a couple of hours prior to the start of the distribution.  People were already lining up outside the doors, waiting in the cold wind for the food. 

We were put to work opening boxes and redistributing some of the items.  The quantity and selection of the food was impressive.  Frozen items, produce, meat, canned good, even some children's birthday bags.  All the volunteers were gathered shortly before door opening.  We were given brief instructions and we prayed.

For over 90 minutes we handed out food to hundreds of people.   Each time I looked up from my station of handing out canned goods, I saw a constant stream of people, it did not seem to end.  Young, old, tired, every ethnicity, every walk of life and in my community.  A few times I looked into the face of someone that could be me.  On the street, anywhere else,  I would never guess they were any more needy than I.  A few that I know personally came through: some helping others, some for themselves. 

I did my best to offer a smile and a kind word to each one that came through, treating each with the dignity they deserve.   Some were trying to hide being uncomfortable going through the line, others were too tired and weary to care what anyone thought of them.  Some did not speak English well, as I was handing out an item that is a definite like or dislike, I did my best to communicate with them to give them option of taking it or not. 

Once I found my rhythm in handing out the items, I had a chance to purposefully and specifically pray.  I prayed to see each of them with the eyes of Jesus.  That my words and actions would convey the love of Jesus.  I prayed each would find hope and a bit of cheer.  That there would be something... a word or item in the cart that would give them joy on this Easter holiday.  I pray that each would know Jesus' love and joy.

There are hurting people everywhere, from every walk of life.  Poor, rich, young, old, healthy, sick, every race.  Our current economy is finding more in the area of need.  Some who never thought they would be in such a position.  Frankly, we are just one job away from being in a very similar predicament.  I am thankful everyday for the my husband's job and all that it provides for our family.  It is not something to take for granted.

For many years, my family has packaged food with an organization called Feed My Starving Children.  (www.fmsc.org) We have helped to feed starving children around the world.  This gives us the opportunity to help those in our community, in our backyard, those that are not that very different from our own family.

Will I return?  Yes.  It is hard work, my body aches from shifting and moving canned goods.  But that is nothing, I will recover soon.  It is a minuscule sacrifice to know that a simple act can bring hope.

Mini-vacation

The past few days, we have had an opportunity to be together, exclusively, as a family.  We have taken a mini-vacation.  Our children are teenagers, our time as parents with them is fleeting.  I am all too aware they will be quickly leave our home, leaving us an empty nest.  As a result, my husband and I, have been making deliberate occasions to be together and 'make memories'.  This has become even more important for me these past few weeks, as my friend M lays in hospice losing her battle with Crueztfeld-Jakob disease. I have been, unfortunately, made completely aware, the uncertainty of life.

Initially we thought we would return to the Rocky Mountains.  We traveled through them last spring and all of us, to the last person, fell in love with the Rockies!  But this spring season has been filled with late spring snows. Coupled with the face that we only had just under a week for our vacation, we decided it was too far a drive and too risky of weather to make the trip in April.

Our youngest daughter suggested Wisconsin Dells.  I wasn't overly keen on the idea initially.  We had been to the Dells when the children were quite young.  We discovered that our children were not the 'fish' that my husband and I had been as children.  I had also done previous investigation into the water-park hotels in years past.  I had sticker shock to the prices.

But upon her suggestion, we once again checked it out.  I still had sticker shock, but we are in a different place in our life with a little more disposable income than years ago.  Our children are older and likely would enjoy the slides water activities.  In the next moment, we had booked ourselves a mini-vacation at one of the largest water park resorts in the Dells.

We arrived an bit prior to official check-in time but were allowed to check-in.  We booked a standard room - two queen beds.  We got our luggage and made our way to the door.  Upon entering, we were in for a treat.  Instead of the standard room, we stood in a two room suite, complete with a king bed, two queen beds, two bathrooms, two TVs, a sofa, a fireplace, and a deck.  Wow!  What a surprise.  I was sure a mistake had been made, but I was not about to complain, as long as my bill didn't change!!  Each child had a bed, and hubby and I had the comfort of a large king bed, as well as a bit of privacy.

We have spent three days, blasting through water tubes, floating down the lazy river, riding the waves in the wave pool, playing water basketball, and recovering our aging bodies in the hot tub.  But that is not all!  As well as the water-park, there is an indoor amusement park complete with a Ferris Wheel, go-carts, laser tag, mini-golf, climbing wall, ropes course, and arcade.  This was included in our package deal!  Bowling is an extra charge. 

I have discovered, I am NOT as young as I use to be, nor am I in shape anymore.  Hubby and I are beat physically.  But it is worth it.  We have played with our children, laughed together, and 'made some memories.'

Our final day here in the Dells, it is snowing...  confirmation we should not be in the mountains.  The fireplace is our spot together this final evening.  The snow is falling and accumulating.  Oh, this is the upper mid-west. 

The resort is complete with restaurants, spa, salon, & entertainment.  Maybe we should just stay until winter departs for good.

Thinking aloud a.k.a. talking to myself

I have always thought out loud or talked to myself.  I am the youngest child of three.  But since my siblings are several years older than I, I was kinda of on my own - growing up as a youngest/only.  I remember lying in bed at night, talking to all my friends ... stuffed animals.  I sang to them, told them stories, shared my secrets,  and held bed time parties.  During the day my dolls and friends had picnics, played school, and had tea parties.  This must be where I got my start in thinking aloud.

I am certain I annoyed my older siblings with this trait. Bwwwaaa ha ha.  Just doing my job effectively as a younger sibling.  I always had company in the form of me, myself, and I. 

Somehow I made it through my school years.  There I had peers in which to converse and I did so!  My report cards were filled will comments of "talks too much."  I maintained good grades and proved to be a good student so I didn't get into too much trouble.

Usually in public, my talking aloud is limited to scolding or encouraging myself.  Or making an auditory list of things I need to get done.  I have discovered I am an auditory learner - - talking aloud helps me immensely.  Much to my dismay, my oldest daughter has the same need and talks aloud.  So now I get her running commentary which really fouls up my own thinking.  LOL

Upon entering the professional world as an adult is where I ran into a few issues with my self-talk.   Apparently people don't want to hear me scold myself for doing something stupid or announcing the next step of the process, or cheering for a job well done.   Cubicles do not provide much privacy or sound barrier.  I don't think I'm too loud - - just kinda of a running commentary. I have had to learn to silence my self-talk.

But it is immense fun to walk through the grocery store talking with me.  Complete strangers will take up conversation with me.  See?  No longer alone.  Or I have achieved the goal of being left alone and having the aisle to myself.  ;)

The real trouble comes when having an argument with myself and losing.  Really, how can I loose an argument with myself?  Me tries to intervene but myself and I can silence her rather quickly with chocolate.  I am never alone...

But really, I am more normal than most.   *grin*