Running!

Maybe you aware of this, perhaps I have shared it, many of you who read my ramblings know me personally so I have probably made your ears hurt talking about running.  I am still in shock myself that I am running.

Ok, my new fettish is only 3.5 months old and I'm on my second pair of shoes.  The furthest I have run 4.5 miles and only once or twice at that distance.   I suck air, I dread going out, I self talk myself into continuing when I would rather stop and just walk home, I definitely run to eat.  I am thrilled when I am done!  I think about the treat I can reward myself with as I run.  But now, a subtle shift is occurring, dare I say it?  I am beginning to like it.  Yes, like, almost enjoy running when nothing is chasing me!  Crazy talk, I know.

For a girl that was told by her chiropractor a few years ago to stop running when I confessed my activities and walked into his office a mess, this is amazing accomplishment to run.  I run and do not have to visit the chiropractor.  I run and the nagging whiplash injury of 25 years ago does not flare.  I run and my knees tell me that 2-3 miles is enough, so do my lungs.  I run!

I am so,thankful everyday for the physical abilities I have that day. I am not crippled by arthritis, nor fighting a dreadful disease, I have minimal pain, I suffer the normal aches of one aging, and now I can run!  

Here is a pic taken at the most recent 5K I participted.  My cherished gear pieces are my sunglasses, and my tunes.  Sunglasses to protect my eyes from glare and dust as I run the gravel roads and tunes to motivate me.

Hue-Hue 5K fun run

Where is the sun?

Recent days there have been reports of the amount of gray days we have seen here in Minnesota.  Depending on the report, 15-25 days in the past 90 days have had sunshine.  Our spring has been cooler than normal, gloomy, rainy, downright dismal.  The good news?  It is nearing the Summer Solstice so our daylight hours are abundant.  It is light from 5 am to nearly 10 pm.  So even though it is gloomy, it is not dark and gloomy, as it can be in December and January.

Many are complaining.  We have a right as Minnesotans that survive the harshness of winter to desire and clamor for spring.  We have earned it.  After days of bitter cold, snow covered, tree barren, sometimes brown grass season, dark days, we have earned bright days full of sunshine, green grass, butterflies, and birds.  This spring has not brought to us what we consider our just desserts.

Rather this spring has brought snow, late spring snows in May!  Our children were kept home April 30 due to a major snow storm.  We did not see green grass and leaves on trees until mid-May.  Birds arrived in April trying to survive the snow and cold.  Some of us have fed them faithfully.  When the snow stopped, the rain began to fall.  There was a day in in the midst that was 98 degrees where we sweltered to be returned to the 50s and 60s.   The heat is still on in most homes, our shorts and t-shirts still tucked away in the back of closets and in bins under the bed. Definitely not a spring of rewards following a winter season of cold and snow.

I have pondered this cold spring.  I called my father that has lived his entire life, as I, in Minnesota.  I received confirmation that indeed this is not the first nor only spring that is cold and snowy.  In fact, it isn't all that rare.  Dad and I reminisced of previous cold springs.

As others have complained and lamented, I have been more quiet in appreciation of this spring.  Well, once the snow stopped, I appreciate this spring weather.   I am not one for high heat and humidity.  In our home where the weather is the land of extremes - extreme cold and windchills countered with high heat and humidity indexes.  I am enjoying these days where I can walk out the door with only a sweatshirt and shoes rather than parka and boots.  My heat is not running daily and we do not require an air conditioner.  Much easier on the budget in the heating and cooling category.  We also cope with our national state bird, the mosquito in spring and summer.  I am enjoying the cooler temps keep this pesky insect in hibernation.  No complaints here.

So yes, I am enjoying our cooler than normal spring.  I like to walk and jog, these are perfect temperatures for outdoor exercise.  I like snuggling with a blanket on cooler evenings.  I have an abundance of sweatshirts being drawn to them as a moth to a flame.  This is ideal temperatures to wear them and give each an opportunity to see the light of day.

I have considered complaining of the lack of sunshine.  It would be terrible if not for the abundance of daylight.   It has been hard to keep my chin up, have motivation, and stay off the sofa.  And yet, the news is filled with tragedy.  Oklahoma has been devastated with tornadoes as well as many other states.  My home state is prone to these destructive beasts and this is tornado season.  We have been spared intense storms with our cooler weather.  Unfortunately, the storms have been record breaking huge for those to the south of us, leveled towns, and taken lives.  I do not think I will complain about a lack of sunshine.

Others have dealt with record rains.  Their river banks over flowing, basements flooded.   I do not think I will complain about a lack of sunshine.

And yet others are coping with wildfires that consuming acres of land and turning homes into ashes.   I do not think I will complain about a lack of sunshine.

And others are grieving loss of loved ones from shootings and bombings.   I do not think I will complain about a lack of sunshine.

Take heart Minnesota friends.  I am confident that eventually we will get our sunshine and warm days.  It may be a while.  But in the meantime be thankful for all we have and that we are not suffering devastating loss.  Enjoy going out to the car and driving away immediately without the requirement of first warming it up and scraping windshields.  Enjoy the lower cooling and heating bill.  Enjoy the long days of daylight.  Rather than the beach, enjoy long walks and times around the bon fire without the pesky mosquito.  Being thankful the drought is ending with the rain.  Love the green grass and leaves we have been granted.  Look for the beauty in the midst of gloominess.

Easter Ponderings

For me, Easter should 'feel' like spring.  Bright sunshine, warm breezes, clear blue sky, green grass, birds singing, butterflies, pastel dresses, pretty open toed shoes, hats, and egg hunts.  Not this year, or many years where I live, as the day dawned with a lack of sunshine, gray skies, snow covering potential green grass, cold breeze, snow showers, winter coats, definite lack of butterflies.  It just did not 'feel' like Easter as a snow shower rained down on us.

My thoughts turned to the very first Easter.  No matter the weather of the day, bright sunshine or overcast skies; warm temperatures or cold breezes, likely Jesus' mother, would have only noticed the cold, dark emotional upheaval and grief.  She and others that loved him  have just been through the most emotional filled turmoil few days of their lives.  The week began on a high of Palm Sunday with Jesus being celebrated as he entered Jerusalem.  Songs, palm leaves, celebrity status.  The week ended in the worst possible way as the people turned on Jesus, ultimately crucifying him on in a gruesome manner on the cross.

Mary, Jesus' mother, has always intrigued me.  I am awed by her faith, complete obedience to God, and acceptance to her situation.  Very contrary to my personal tendency to question everything and do things my way.  But Mary, she had special intimacy with the most Holy, most High God as she carried His only son in her womb.  When the Angel told her she would conceive this baby miraculously, she accepted it with these words of Luke 1:38 “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” 

Beyond her complete acceptance and obedience, Mary was the mother of this baby, rearing him into adulthood.  I am of a mother of two,I have my experiences of babies and children of my own and a few others. Somehow, I don't think any of these children are anything like baby Jesus. I wonder what it was like to raise the Lord Jesus.  He was fully human and fully God, perplexing for a simple minded soul like myself.  Surely as a baby, he cried when hungry, wet diaper, cold, uncomfortable, or just wanting to be held. Most certainly he 'fell down and went boom', bruised, cut, hurt.  Scripture speaks of siblings.  What of sibling rivalries?  Or of teenage attitudes?  Did Jesus need to be reminded to watch his tone?  Be kind to his siblings?  Eat his vegetables?  Do his chores?  Did little Jesus ever require a spanking or discipline of any type?  I believe raising Jesus was a completely different experience than raising her other children as Jesus never sinned... never.

Can you imagine looking into your child's eyes to realize he looks directly into your soul, knowing you better than yourself?  How does one respond to a child that knew scripture better than the most learned teachers of the time?  How could he be comforted,  the one who can heal completely any physical or spiritual wound?  Yet, Mary had this honor, privilege, and even challenge.

Mary was there, the first Palm Sunday through Easter.  How her mother's heart must have been beyond comfort.  She may have cried until only dry tears flowed.  Her heart ached and broke as she watched all the horrible proceedings.  The scourging as Jesus was beat beyond recognition, the crown of thorns, the jeering, the tortuous walk carrying his cross, the nails, the crucifixion, his death. She may have been unable to look yet unable to not look.  Unable to stay away, desiring to comfort her boy, seeking out His eyes to likely to find them strangely calm and deeply sad, trying to understand those things she 'pondered in her heart' as she raised him. Attempting to make sense of it all.

The time between His death and resurrection would have been bleak and grief riddled.  Even if the sun was shining would she have noticed, as her personal world was dark with little hope?  This miraculous baby she conceived and raised to a man now dead, how does He now save the world?  How does God die?  She perhaps went through her own personal faith crisis.  I would, I know I would have a faith crisis.  In desperation, I would visit his grave, perhaps only to leave by coercion.  That first Easter morning would have felt cold, dark, bleak much like my Easter morning this year.

This Easter of 2013, the clouds cleared away, the sun shone bright, the birds began to sing.  Perhaps much like how the word spread that Jesus is alive, death did not hold him, the tomb is empty.  The day brightened, the dark clouds of despair cleared, the day brightened as hope renewed.  Jesus is alive!

A few desires

A few things I hope as I age:

• I get to grow old
  Too many in my life have not had the privilege to see old age.
  
• I age but not act old
  I do not have the option in aging, becoming older.  I can choose to behave and think young.  I can choose to continually try new things, attempt to listen to the current music, keep up with current media rather than insisting in what I consider the best way - the 'old' way.
  
• I always know how to laugh
  May I never forget to see the humor in life and laugh heartily.
  
• I will always have a hand to hold
  I hope it is my husband's hand, holding his hand is a treasure.  I feel secure, loved, special holding his hand.  Yet I also hope to have the hand of a loved one to hold, a small child, one of my daughters, a dear one.
  
• I practice contentment
  This may be the greatest challenge in my hopes and desires.  To be content in all things:  where I live, how I feel, with the situation that life has for me at any time.
  
• I embrace each new generation & their style
  I want to connect with the the younger generation, realize they will not want to do it my preferred way.  Be able to share and communicate with them to hopefully have friends to keep me young and maybe, just maybe share a little of my life's lessons.
  
• Good health for my body & mind
  Yes please!  I am a wimp with illness and pain.  The thought of my mind betraying me is frightening.  I want to be able to live with a quality of life to continue to contribute.  I want to be able to always continue to learn and love.
  
• Friendships old and new
  I enjoy my many friends today.  Some are older, some are younger, others are my peers.  I realize that one day, I may not have any older friends, this makes me very sad.  Yet I hope to always have friends of all ages.
  
• Never, ever stop learning.
  There is so much to learn.  Academics and life lessons.  But mostly there is so much to learn of God - -I pray I never lose the desire to know more of Him, who He is, how vast and awesome He is.
  
• AND I really hope to keep up with technology
  Technology can be a blessing and a curse.  Yet I want to be able to keep up with computers, TVs, media, ipods, ipads, cars, etc.  I hope that I am never so flustered by it that I give up trying.

Who is God to You Today?

A few weeks ago I attended a conference.  Fern Nichols of Mom's In Prayer International was the featured speaker.  My recollection and impression of a particular message may not be exactly verbatim but I will try to summarize what I took away and applied to my life.  

When you pray and declare to God a character trait such as God, the Healer, be ready for the test.  Once you tell God that He is something in your life, He may and most likely will test you.  

Indeed!  Immediately during the weekend this was proven to be true.  During one of the sessions we corporately praised God and exclaimed how He is Jehovah-Rapha (The Lord you're Healer, Exod 15:26).  The following morning, I awoke to check the time, rolling over to the pain of a headache that was the type to turn into a incapacitating migraine.  I prayed immediately, again extolling God as my Jehovah-Rapha.  I left my healing to Him.  I prayed that I knew He was capable and even willing to heal me immediately, but I would be content to stay in bed at this great retreat if that is what would bring Glory to Him.  I dozed again for a few minutes and awoke to a pain free head!  God had tested me, heard my prayer, and healed me instantly.  

I thought, "Wow, I passed the test.  A+, pat on the back, yeah God."  My faith grew abundantly in that moment.  I celebrated my small victory and went about my life.  Now, four weeks later, I am going about my business as usual which includes being a wife, mom, homemaker, friend, and ladies bible study student.  I diligently worked on my homework a day before the next meeting.  I pondered the following from Genesis 16:13:

El Roi - the God who sees: He sees me when no else cares to looks. He sees through the smile we wear when we're dying inside. He sees our hurt when we're mistreated. He sees us when we cry into our pillow because we feel unloved. He see beyond our sin into the depth of our need. He sees when we're hiding. Running. He sees when we continue to sow the seed of His Word even in the floodplain of our grief. - - Beth Moore

Did I declare and praise God as El Roi?  Not in the manner of praying on my knees, hand raised type of declaration.  But the phrase impacted me so deeply, I posted it as a Facebook status.  My mind returned to El Roi, the God who sees me.  I thought about Hagar, the hand maiden of Sarai who gave Abram a son and then banished with her infant.  She met God and declared Him El Roi.  So yes, I did declare God El Roi in my life.  I should have known to be ready for the test.  I forgot that bit of detail in my ever learning walk with God.




The test has not been easy.  It impacted more than myself.   My entire family has gone through pain this past week.  We have been hurt, confused, frustrated, and even angry.  We have felt mistreated, smiled while hurting, felt unloved, and tears have flowed down our faces.  

Is God El Roi?  The God who sees me in the floodplain of my grief?  I have pondered this over and over as I worked through my emotions.  And you know what?  God met me.  My pain is still real, my hurt is deep.  Unfortunately, my anger has not completely abated.  But God has met me.  He is the one who gently reminded me that He is El Roi - the God who sees.  I have not been alone.  He has soothed my wound as the pain ached my heart, He has reminded me the mercy He has extended me when my anger has overflowed, He has provided me human shoulders to cry upon.  He has been the God who sees, the God who has seen my pain, the God that has not turned away from my human mess of emotions.

This has not been easy. My faith journey has impacted my family and given opportunity for all of us to learn.  Learn that God is El Roi - the God who sees; to learn forgiveness, to learn mercy, to learn that God is God.

Who is God to you today?  

Family is Family

For several days I have wallowed in a myriad of thoughts and emotions.    Many times I set out to write something.  I have come up empty.  I could not write a Facebook status or a prayer request to our church's prayer chain.  My heart aches.  It has a heaviness that profound sadness produces.  This ache is borne of empathy, deep empathy for my cousin.

I have been side blinded by the depth of feeling.  It has left me speechless.  If you know me the least bit, you would realize that this is a rare occurrence. 

I discovered in this process, that family, however remote or unknown, is family.    I have  cousins on the west coast.  I have met all of them during my childhood, but have not met all the spouses nor children.    I have not seen any of them for many years, more than 20 years have passed.  We have all grown up, married, are raising families.    The miles continue to separate us.

This week, one of these families, has suffered a devastating loss.  The death of their oldest son, just 25 years old.  I did not have the opportunity to meet this young man.  I have not had the opportunity to meet his siblings or his father.  I don't even recall the last time I met his mother, my cousin.  Of this family of cousins, she is the least known to me.   Regardless, my heart is broken for this family who is grieving. 

I grieve with them many, many miles away.  I grieve the loss of life.  I am a parent which has given me perspective and empathy for a grieving parent.  It is not  right for a parent to bury their child.  The tears flow freely, the prayers are earnest, the virtual hug is extended, love is sent.  I have grieved and had empathy for several who are not family.  But the depth of emotion was not as deep.  It must be because family is family.   It connects us, bonds us, knits us together.  RIP dear 2nd cousin who has left this world much to early in life.  I hope to meet you in Heaven one day.