Grandparents - too few memories

I lost three quarters of my grandparents in my childhood and the other on in early adulthood.  I have felt a little cheated.  Being the youngest in my family and born a little later than my siblings, I have been jealous of the extra time they (my siblings) had with our grandparents.  Some of my peers have their grandparents or are just losing them now.  They have had the opportunity to know their grandparents and heritage.

My paternal grandfather passed away when I was just eight years old.  I have a few vivid memories of him.  He lived on the family farm.  I never knew the farm to be operational as he retired, sold the cattle just prior to my birth.  Grandpa was a big man.  Very tall - well over 6 feet, broad shouldered, and big feet.  (How would I know he had big feet?  We moved into the farm as a family following his death and I found his size 13 shoes!)  He seemed a giant to my little eyes.   I only knew of Grandpa to wear overalls.  The stripped, train engineer overalls.  He had at least two pair maybe three that hung on pegs.

 Not very old by today's standards as he was 70 at death, I remember him to be lumbering and leisurely in his movements, never in a hurry.  He gave me whisker rubs; pushed me on the tire swing; took me to town in his pick-up that he never drove over 40 mph; fried Thuringer Summer Sausage in a cast iron pan with a huge pat of butter; paid me a penny for every box elder bug I killed with a pair of pliers and deposited in a tin can, with the expectation those pennies go to the orphanage fund at church; and he sat in a stool chair by the window in the kitchen just behind Grandma's chair.  I remember his final gifts to me on that last Christmas, a teddy bear and a watch.  He died just a few weeks later during a bitter cold January.

My maternal grandfather passed away when I was 14.  He was the opposite in stature to my other grandfather.  Short and round, his growth stunted following a train and car accident in which he was a passenger in the car as a young boy.  His health was not very robust in my childhood, but I think he must have been busy, fast moving guy in his younger days.  That is how I would perceive him anyway.  Rather cantankerous and growlie, we grandchildren ran around his lawn chair or his recliner out of reach of his cane.  He had an interesting feature of a double thumb on one-hand.  He always wanted to play the thumb game which of course he won easily with those two thumbs.  He would holler "Ma!" to get Grandma's attention and stomp his foot at the dinner table indicating he was ready to start dinner.  He had lemon drops candy on his dresser which we children would snitch.

My paternal grandmother passed away when I was 15.  She had a significant influence on me.  I can't really pin point why that is exactly.  I have been told by many a person as I grown older that she was a special lady, a prayer warrior, and a living sermon.  Maybe I was intrigued by her as I moved into her home when Grandpa died.  She moved into the nursing home as she was crippled by rheumatoid arthritis and needed considerable assistance.  So crippled I never knew her to stand, always seated in her chair, limited in movements as the arthritis robbed her of her mobility.  I never once heard her complain about her circumstances but she did talk to me a lot about the day the Lord was going to heal her and she and I were going to play some ball - baseball that is and she would drive the pick-up.  She loved the Minnesota Twins and faithfully listened to their games on the radio.  She always had a radio at her side. 

In her home, she sat in a chair at the kitchen table, placed there by her loving husband each day.  She was next to the window overlooking the screen porch where all visitors entered the house.  She had next to her, her beloved radio, writing utensils, telephone, and I am sure a plethora of things a young girl takes little notice.  Moved into the nursing home she still had her radio and an envelope of dimes in which to give me to buy a bottle of soda down the hall.  The nursing home gave her greater mobility of a wheel chair and outings to see the Twins in the Metrodome!  Sometimes Dad and I would pick her up in that old pick up and strap her chair (with her seated in it) in the bed and bring her home for the local parade or picnic.

She was rather short in stature, a small woman.  Beautiful, white crown of hair and deep dimples in her cheeks.  She often spoke of the Lord, His return, and her faith in His ability to heal her.  I really believed that I would not have a chance to grow up and have children because Jesus' return was imminent.  It IS imminent but as a young girl I did not understand the fleeting of time. 

Her death is a prominent memory.  She was ill and failing.  Again, young by today's standards at 75.  Cancer had taken my grandfathers and cancer was claiming her too.  In those days the big C word was usually a death sentence as there wasn't much hope for cures or remission.  It was the last day of April and it was snowing.  All of the adults were by her bedside while I was instructed to wait in the family lounge of the nursing home.  There were large windows that I watched the nearly six inches of snow fall.  I knew she was gone when my dad came to find me carrying her radio. 

I have many impressions of this lady that are difficult to put into words.  Yet she impacted my life so significantly in a short time.  In short she was a prayer warrior and I am certain that her prayers continue to affect my life and family today.  I am positive she is playing ball with the apostles and disciples today in Heaven.

My maternal grandmother lived the longest in my life. Passing away at 85 years old, she is the only grandparent of mine that my children had the opportunity to meet.  Her memory has quickly faded from their memories as they were young, preschool and kindergarten ages.  She was a sprite of woman with a lot of energy.  Sitting on a pillow to see over the steering wheel and the seat pulled as far forward as possible as she drove "Bessie", her car, into town on errands.  She owned a lake shore home and had her beach open to us all summer for our enjoyment.  There were always cookies, usually two varieties, on the counter and Popsicles in the freezer.  We usually left with a treat of Smarties candy on our way out the door.  She tolerated wet, dripping, soaking swimmers traipsing through her small home to use the bathroom.  I'm sure it must have been a challenge as she was a neat freak.  I imagine she was continually mopping up after we traipsed back out to the water.  She tended our sunburns with her aloe plant and always had extra towels and swimsuits on the ready.  She loved her flowers and birds faithfully tending and feeding each.  I remember her love of Mr. and Mrs. Cardinal that visited her feeder and her loathe of the squirrels that would rob her birds of food.  Oh - that brings a memory of grandpa hunting the red squirrels.  They both had a keen dislike of those squirrels.

All taken too early in my life to really glean valuable ancestral information from any of them, with the exception of my maternal grandmother.  To hear their life stories, to hear how living was for them - through droughts, monsoons, economic depressions, wars...  To hear their testimonies of meeting the Savior.  I feel cheated for myself and my children.  My husband too.  I think they were cheated in knowing me and my family as well.    I look forward to an eternity in heaven with them to get to know them, hoping each are there awaiting our arrival.

Tapestry of Prayer

I have been pondering a lot lately.  Many events are taking place world wide as well in my own life.  Change is a part of life and I don't always take change well.  Although I recently admitted to a friend that I sure do instigate a lot of change for someone who doesn't like change.  There is a paradox for you. 

I commute my daughter to and from school each day, the 25 minutes in the car each morning and afternoon leave my mind to wondering.  This morning I was spent time thinking about prayer and praying for one another.  Prayer is Biblical.  Jesus prayed, He prayed for others.... me in fact, He taught us to pray, He instructed us to pray for one another, He even instructed to pray for our enemies. 

It led me to wondering about all these prayers.  I fail to understand how God hears and answers all these infinite number of prayers offered up each and everyday.  But I have faith that He,the Alpha and Omega, is ever present, ever hearing, and can hear all and see all.  I also have faith that He always has been and always will be - - yesterday, today, and tomorrow. 

So I went down a rabbit trail of wondering as to what our prayers might look like in a tapestry. 

Revelation 5:8 (NIV) says that our prayers are an incense: 

And when he had taken it, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb. Each one had a harp and they were holding golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of God’s people. 

But what about a tapestry?  Do our prayers make a tapestry?  Woven in colors in a person's life or the world's existence.  I picture prayers of forgiveness in crimson red as they are covered by Christ's blood shed on the cross; bright jewel hues of praise and thanksgiving; beautiful and brilliant neons of obedience; intense and deep colors of prayers cried out in anguish; a rainbow of pastels of petitions in seeking God; clean and bright white prayers of righteousness; and purples with indigoes of the prayers of Jesus and the Holy Spirit.    My mind has created a lovely and beautiful picture of colorful prayers woven together.   I just wonder if there is something like that awaiting for us to view in Heaven; to show us how God has worked it out in our lives.

I anxiously await Heaven, to meet Jesus face to face, bow at His feet and profess my thanksgiving to bridging the gap of separation between I and His Father, granting me access to this wonderful place called Heaven.  I want to meet so many people of the Bible such as Ruth, Esther, Mary, Mary's parents, Paul, to name a few.  My list of those that I can't wait to be reunited with is lengthy and include grandparents and friends.  To have an end of pain and sorrow, to live the fashion that God intended before sin.  I am so anxious I can't stand it at times. 

For now I must satisfy myself of what the Bible tells me of Heaven.  But a girl can dream a little, can't she?

Complain? Maybe Not...

This morning I woke up to March like weather.  Temperatures in the 30s, cold, snowy, sleety, rainy, cloudy, dreary weather.  Much like yesterday.  One would not suspect that it is the beginning of May. Oh, there have been a few days of teasing that Spring is here but they are few and far inbetween.

Now, it is not many degrees below zero or even below freezing.  Well, almost not below freezing, this morning's 31 degrees in technically below freezing.  I am not shoveling the snow, as family in western ND is doing after their May Day blizzard.  I am not wearing a parka, gloves, hat, scarf, long underwear, heavy socks, and boots to go out the door.  Yet, this is getting old, this winter like weather.  It is dreary, it is wet, it is cold.  Our already short gardening season is shrinking. 

I have been considering complaining.  And I could complain I suppose.  Yet, my perspective has been tweaked just a wee bit. 

You see:

 I could be sand bagging and pumping water, fighting a flood.  Instead, I am heating my house with hot water based heat.

 I could be standing in shambles of a home following severe storms and tornados.  Instead I am dusting and vacuuming and shoving my junk around my already over-stuffed house.

I could be hearing the weather forecast under a storm watch wondering if it is now my turn.  Instead I am just wondering if Spring will have a chance this year.

I could be living in a shelter and wondering how to recover from a tsunami that has destroyed my whole way of life.  Instead I am praying for those affected.

I could be  fearing the next tremor will strike bringing down already unstable, shaken structures I call home.  Instead I am writing this blog atop solid footing (I think).

 I could be looking to the sky praying for rain to end the drought.  Instead I am seeing rain in my forecast and watching the grass turn green.

I could be scrounging, looking for  my next meal, worried about my children's malnutrition.  Instead I am on a diet trying to lose too many extra pounds.

I could be living under oppression.  Instead I still live in the best country in the world, even if I am scared for our future.

I could be mourning the death of loved ones lost to illness or tragedy.  Instead I am hugging my own near and telling them I love them.

My perspective has been tweaked.  I really do not have much to complain about where the weather is concerned, or really anything else for the matter.  Going about my day thankful for the opportunity to clean, diet, wear a sweatshirt, and hug the ones I love.

Storm report

I find myself alone in the family room this evening.  Hubby has gone to bed with a nasty headache - hope he is not getting a migraine.  My lovely daughters have gone to their bedrooms, never really sure of when they go to bed or sleep.  So here I am on my own.

I have the television on which is currently showing the nightly news.  The top story is the storms that swept across the south.  My eyes see the ominous clouds, the swirling clouds, debris flying.  My eyes see the destruction, the houses turned to match sticks.  My ears hear the reports of devastation and loss of life, the lives ruined, entire communities gone.  My mind has much more trouble comprehending.

Much like the lack of comprehension I felt as I watched the tsunami and destruction a month ago.  What I see on the screen does not make sense to my mind.  Maybe it is the desensitization of watching so much media throughout my life, knowing that much of what I watch is fictional and amazing special effects.  Maybe that is why my mind says,  "That can't be real."

Yet I am completely aware this is not fictional television.  This is real  - - this has actually happened.  People's lives have been lost and ruined.  Entire communities are suffering.  Whole sections of the country are in shambles to a very powerful storm system that spawned many, many tornadoes for nearly 4 hours over a large area covering multiple states.

For those of you in that area, please know I have prayed for you today.  I am keenly aware of powerful storms living in the upper mid-west.  I have hid in the basement more than once.  I have witnessed huge trees toppled and homes damaged.  I have had nearby neighborhoods destroyed.  I can comprehend some but not all of what you have gone through these past couple of days.

Praying that you will find rays of hope in the destruction.  Praying that there is is a silver lining.  Praying for those coming to serve you and to help you recover.  Praying....

Opinions

The weather is lousy, dreary and cold.  One wonders if Spring can ever arrive.  If I think about it, it is better than winter.  The temperatures are not dipping below 30 (F) too much anymore.  That is better than negative temperatures.  The snow has melted, something I wasn't sure could happen prior to July.  I am not wearing a parka and boots to walk out the door.  I guess it is Spring-like weather, well maybe.  Last night's snow showers aren't very Spring-like in my opinion.  But no one asked me.

I do have opinions.  Some may think a few too many.  I guess I tend to share them.  Allot of the times, I am only sharing, not really expecting a change.  Most situations, in my opinion, I have a better idea.  Which in reality may not be a better idea.  Especially if I am not in on all the details.  Sometimes, I just find whatever it is inconvenient to me, but if it works for you, fine.  Other times I will impart my humble opinion about whatever and how I plan to make it work for me.  What works for you is fine too.  We all have opinions some of us just tend to share them more openly than others.

I suppose I would serve myself greatly by just staying quiet and keeping those opinions to myself.  I have been working on that quality.  Those of you who know me right now are probably laughing hysterically.  But wouldn't you  want to get inside my head.  You would be shocked at everything that I don't say or share.  In fact, in my humble opinion, I believe I am quiet.  Especially when compared to all the thoughts that go through my mind.  So much I don't say ... I really am a quiet person.  :)

So many times, I have it all figured out, in my humble opinion.  If only I had been consulted.  Ha ha.  So many people and entities just don't seem to ask for my wisdom.  It is baffling sometimes.  (please hear the sarcasm here)  Mother Nature never asks me for input.  I think I know when I would like it sunny, rainy, cold, etc.  Really, I would just like the weather to fall within the 'set' seasons.  You know, Spring Equinox was March 21 - - so where is Spring?  I can usually cope with the weather within those parameters.  Well, except if I am planning an outdoor activity or the budget is low to pay air conditioning or heating bills, or maybe my mood could use a change.

Anyway... I have an opinion.  It's a humble one.  If you ask, I'll likely tell you.  If you don't want to know, don't ask.  Otherwise, I do my best to listen and keep them to myself or share in private settings with hubby.  Rest assured, he puts me in my place.  He is good at keeping me in line.  In those times, I am really glad I stayed quiet.  :)

Ha ha - - just a fun post.  Have a great day everyone.

Walk, walk, walk

New day today, the sun is shining, the temperature is rising, Spring is making a visit.  Yesterday, was a lovely day for Easter giving winter-weary folks a break.   And it looks as to be extended through today.  Although on the weather forecast, I heard a nasty rumor of more winter like weather mid-week.  Spring is really struggling to wedge out winter. 

With Spring comes the ability to get out to walk regularly.  Which is a good thing for my sorry body condition.  I have let things get out of hand.  12 years ago, I battled the bulge and lost a significant amount of weight.  This winter, I allowed myself to gain a significant of that lost portion back. 

I always fight the bulge... a few pounds, maybe up towards 10 extra.  But this year... oh this year, oh dear.  I am not very happy with myself but these are the consequences of aging, eating, and being lazy.  Now to buckle down and work getting things back under control.

My wonderful walking partner and neighbor is helping me along.   We have been walking for 10-11 year.  Usually at a very early, dark hour of the morning.   It began with the need for me to be home prior to my husband leaving work so my babies wouldn't be alone and her need to get to work.  It has worked out so well, that now, as I do not need to be as concerned for my 'babies' we continue to meet during the non-winter months to walk in the early hours.  Well, that and she still needs to get to work. 

We have seen many wonderful sights.  Beholding the wonder of the skies.  Often we stop in awe and these verses of Psalm 91:1-3 come to mind:

¹ The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
² Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they reveal knowledge.
³ They have no speech, they use no words;
no sound is heard from them.

We have seen stars so brilliant on moonless mornings that we have had to stop in adoration.  We have learned to identify a few planets and the difference of them from an airplane *wink wink*.  Meteor showers have been our companions.  During some times of the year, we get observe the beginning of the sunrise as the daylight approaches.  We have even seen the rare Northern Lights (aurora borealis). 

Deer and fox have crossed our path.  One year we skirted so many skunks, we came up with a new parting phrase "may no skunk cross your path."  We've had an owl swoop down silently and close to make us feel it's air as it passed over.  Gave us an opportunity to hold hands too *giggle*.  Another time, a deer ran across the paved road on a particular dark morning.  It startled us right into each others arms, dogs and all. 

Some mornings the moon is so bright and full that we are practically walking in daylight, others are so inky black, it takes all my courage to step out into the darkness.  Especially on the inky black nights we are thankful for our reflective vests and blinking lights.  The vests are to alert sleepy motorists we are on the road and the flashing lights to spot each other as we meet.  Prior to the "flashers" there was more than one frightened occassion as we met, not realizing the other was out there yet.  The "flashers" have eliminated needless heart attacks.

Our morning walks have heard laughter, tears, frustrations, secrets, and many yawns. We have grown in friendship and shared life together one step at a time.  We miss each other through the winter months. It is too icy to risk our necks.  We try to get in weekend, daylight walks during those months.  On the occassional "normal" hours walk, usually on a weekend, we have met neighbors. 

In the early years, we walked nearly everyday.  As the years have gone by and age with responsibilities caught up with us, we have not been as consistent and regular.  But this year... this is the year to get back on track.  At least for me... for crying out loud, I can't wear my clothes.  This is not the new wardrobe I want to buy!