Father's Day Musings

This weekend is Father's Day.  A day set aside to specifically honor fathers.  I am fortunate to have a husband that is a remarkable father to our children.  Below are a few of the traits he exhibits as he parent's his children.  

Tender heart - - I have seen my own husband gently cradle his newborn daughter, gazing at her in pure wonderment and love.  I have watched as he has taken his baby and snuggled with her for a nap on the sofa.  Held her as she ached in illness.  Calm her while she was distraught with pain, fear, or frustration.  Rock his child to sleep as his own arm lost all feeling.  This manly guy can be so gentle and tender caring for his children.  I often had to fight for 'my turn' to hold my baby.  Now as teenagers he continues to show tenderness displaying how a man should treat a young lady with courtesy and respect.

Teacher - - My husband has taught his children many skills with great patience.  How to throw and catch a ball, pound a hammer, mud a wall, grout a floor, climb a ladder...  He has taught them the complexities of scientific concepts and math skills well beyond anything their mother can comprehend.  He has helped them with homework on the phone while traveling for work.  He has interrupted his work day to answer many a question.  Never a teacher that just gives the answer away, he will patiently guide them through the thought process to the answer.

Leader - - He leads our family through all situations, decisions, and tasks.  He leads us in prayer and i ministry.  He leads us in new adventures.   He sets the boundaries for our family - our use of time and finances. 

Encourager - - My children's daddy will encourage them to try new things, never give up, and to try again.  He will purchase books, magazines, equipment to encourage hobbies and new interests.  He will learn along with them as they discover new things.   He has built a giant sized solar system and a potato battery. 

Protector - - From things that go bump in the night to the bugs that needs squashing or the rodent that requires extermination.  He also protects his family guiding them around potential unsavory places and people.  He makes his presence known subtly or overtly conveying - "Mess with her, you must deal with me." 

Silly - - He knows how to be silly and brings a lot of fun to our lives.  He pretends to speak Spanish, he has a dry sense of humor, and great wit. 

Hard worker with strong work ethic to provide  - - Children need things, especially shelter, food, and clothing.  A daddy will do all within his power to provide these essentials for his family.  Sometimes at great sacrifice to himself.  I have seen my own husband's dreams and desires put on hold as he puts his family's needs as a priority.  He works hard to provide attempting to balance the demands of the his job with the demands of his family.

Servant - Through the years our family has been blessed by our fathers in their sacrificial assistance.  From automotive repairs, vehicle loaners, and hard labor in home remodeling projects.  They have consistently and fervently prayed for us.   My husband has served his children in many ways through their childhood and see the potential that he will continue the legacy of service as they are adults.

Our family is blessed with a Daddy not just a father. 

Funk or Fear

It occurred to me this morning that I have been in a funk lately.  Sometimes it takes a bit for  me to realize that a funky mood has descended upon me.  My revelation came to me gradually as I was going about the business of the day.  The business of the day isn't much today, it is summer vacation and we are experiencing a rather pleasant few days of a slower pace.  But you know what? The 'business of the day' is not the going to be the same for me.  A shift is taking place in my life and it is causing a bit of a funk.  Or maybe it is the long, harsh winter, followed by an extended cold spring, with a shot of extreme summer temps and a wild 50 degree swing in the other direction within a matter of days.  What do you think?

Many things are shifting and changing in my life right now.   Our family is moving in a different direction.  My children are now teenagers and their activities are changing.  They are older, needing less of me which is a good thing, what we strive for as parents.  My role is changing and I did not expect these feelings until they went off to college or moved out of home leaving us with an empty nest.

For the past eight years I have been homeschooling our children.  Last year my oldest child attended school outside of our home and it now appears that the youngest will be joining her this fall.  My days of homeschooling are over.  I have had children at my side for the past 15.5 years.  It is  hard to imagine days without them and being home alone.   I feel adrift, a bit useless, and unneeded.  Frankly, I am lacking  direction. The kids are only going to be gone to school for 7 hours each day.  Sheesh, what's my problem, right?

Additionally, in the past 6-9 months we have left an organization that, I, in particular had been highly involved in as an adult volunteer.  It was not anticipated to cease participating altogether, but that is what happened, and seemly rather suddenly.  I have been exploring my options but haven't quite figured out how to incorporate it all into this new phase of our life.

All this means that the community of people I have been associated with for the past eight years will be continuing on without me.  It is natural that to feel a bit a drift during change, I guess.  But it is uncomfortable.

I have a few ideas as to how to fill my new found "freedom" but frankly I am a bit afraid. I am not the ultimate homemaker so the thought of cleaning and cooking 28 hours (random number) of the week will likely morph into 28 hours of avoidance on Facebook, surfing the internet, and watching tv.  I could get a job but in reality the kids still need me for taxi service and homework assistance, a job could make this challenging -  - oh okay, I don't want a job, who am I kidding? 

Add to this thought process an email I received about the future of America (it was a forward and it made some valid points) but I started to feel a little bit of anxiety over these things which I have no control. 

I went for a walk, borrowing my child's iPod, I put on the headphones and started playing Casting Crowns (we just purchased 4 of their CDs).  My mind did not focus on the music but rather on the future and the uncertainty of it.  I said (in my mind) "God, I am afraid of the future."  Almost instantly the words: "Do not be afraid, for I am the Lord your God;  I am always with you." 

 I then recalled how the Israelites wandered the desert for 40 years with the cloud leading them - they had left behind all they knew and had no knowledge of the future. Can you imagine the uncertainty and anxiety of these people? All the jobs and tasks they knew before were to be no more. What would they do? How would they function? Where would they live? Their whole lives had shifted dramatically. They could only follow.  And I realized, God was with them in that cloud or pillar of fire.  He never left them, He always provided,  and He always made a way.

Wow.  I still do not have the answers for the future.  I still don’t have any control over the uncontrollable; I still do not know what my role will be as we make this family shift.  But I am feeling more confident in the reminder that God is always with me, leading me, walking beside me, carrying me.  Even in a time of storm - which for me, at this moment, is a time of uncertainty.

"I will Praise you in this Storm
and I will life my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this Storm"

The last song I heard on the iPod as I walked up the driveway to the backdoor.

Struggling dogwood

Gardening is the topic of choice today.  I am capable of gardening but it is not my passion.  I do not have a 'green thumb'.  I am never sure if it is a plant or weed, especially when young so I tend to leave most everything.  By the time it is identifiable it is overwhelmingly weedy.  I don't really enjoy being in the sun  and most gardening cannot be done in the shade.  Add to that mix, that I am not a detailed oriented person.  This does not make for a great gardener.

However, this past weekend, it was not raining and we were home for an afternoon. We tackled some overdue  yard work items.  Winter was long and harsh, Spring was equally long and cold.  My hubby got his tractor with the assistance of our oldest daughter, running the disc and plow through the small field that is used as a garden plot by my father-in-law.  My youngest daughter planted a few pots of flowers.  I went to work on the bushes in the front yard.

These bushes were planted about four years ago.  I bought these little guys on clearance during a hot, dry July.  My idea was to plant them to provide some protection from the road.  There are Burning Bushes, Maple Amurs, and Dogwoods.  We have a bit of property and the front of the yard is a long ways from the spigot.  I carried water to the bushes by the bucketful to make sure they did not die during the drought we were experiencing. 

Four years later, these bushes are still struggling.  Not much bigger than when I planted them, I have been disappointed in their progress  I am also not really thrilled with mowing around them, especially since they are not thriving as I had hoped.  The dogwoods really are struggling - mostly sticks with few leaves.  There were only two of these and I finally mowed down one of them last year. 

But off I went to clear out the grass and weeds growing up and through the plants, taking their water and chocking them.  I pulled out the grass and weeds.  I also put in fertilizer spikes, something I probably should have been doing each year, One or two of the bushes are beginning to show promise. But the remaining dogwood is not doing well at all.  When I pulled away all the grass I found a few short sticks of growth with a handful (about 4) of small leaves.  Definitely not thriving and it looks like the deer have found it tasty as well.  I am considering mowing down this non-productive plant.  I realize the soil is not the best in this part of my yard but I was hoping these hardy plants would make it.

The same time I planted those bushes, I also planted a row of pine trees.  These guys were small, in one gallon pots.  I have carefully tended to them through several years of drought and protected them from the plow of the tractor (they are on the edge of the field).  I am delighted to report that they are growing quite well.    The lawn tractor is no longer a threat and they are more easily seen from larger farm equipment.  I do not mind mowing around them just to see the progress they are making; the growth each year is pleasing.  They are planted in clay, loamy soil and loving it! 

This made me think about the Heavenly Gardner.  How He plants me, nurtures me, pulls at the weeds, carefully mows around me, and I disappoint Him in my growth.  Year after year He continues to tend to me, with much more skill and patience than I have for my bushes.   I know I disappoint my Heavenly Gardner and wonder if He is getting tired of continuing carefully tending to me, much like I am with the bushes.  I wonder if He wishes I was more like those pine trees - putting down a deep tap root, pulling from water deep down, and shooting upward and outward.  I know that is what I desire to be - a thriving, growing tree rather than a struggling, little bush in danger of being mowed over and forgotten forever.  Gives me much for thought and thankfulness that the Heavenly Gardner has much more patience than I do for that struggling Dogwood.  Hmmmm... wonder if I should transplant that bush?

Only need to ask

In the same line of thinking of when God revealed Himself in a real and tangible way, I recalled another incident. I am ashamed at my failure to remember God's faithfulness especially when I am feeling like my prayers are going no further than the ceiling. I am saddened when I consider all the times God has intervened and I failed to acknowledge Him. Truth is that God is always working in my life, seen and unseen. Truth is that God has promised to never nor forsake me.

It was our anniversary. We had planned for our children to spend some time with their uncle while we celebrated. We made plans, I do not recall exactly what those plans were but probably dinner and a quiet evening together, our budget being rather scant. The day or so before, hubby started to complain of not feeling very well. Believing it was likely a flu bug I didn't give it much thought, he would recover quickly.

Friday arrived, hubby stayed home from work ill and going more downhill as the day progressed. He was drinking fluids and resting to fight the 'bug.' Disappointed, I canceled our plans and settled in to be a nursemaid. Hubby is not one to go to the doctor, he has to be extremely ill or in severe pain to consider such a visit.  Day turned into night and still he was not feeling any better.  I teased him he didn’t need to get ill to express his displeasure in our plans.

Very early the next morning, he awakened me to take him into urgent care.  "Wow," I thought, "he must really be feeling awful."  He then revealed to me that despite drinking massive quantities of water, he could not urinate.  This information propelled me out of bed and into motion. 

Still very early, much before the polite hour to call another's home, I called my parents to arrange child care for our children.  Thankfully, my dad is an early riser, but I think I got him out of bed on a Saturday at this early hour.  He arrived shortly thereafter, and I packaged my shivering yet sweating and hobbling husband into the car.  Urgent care is first come first serve.  Suffice it to say we were first, as we waited 30 minutes in the parking lot waiting for the clinic to open.

I was becoming more concerned by the minute.  He was walking like an elderly man and very pallid.  In the waiting room I tried to keep him warm as the chills wracked his body in waves.  He was asked for a urine sample, which was impossible.  He was diagnosed with a prostate infection which can be treated with antibiotics.  But it was very worrisome that he had not been able 'to go' for over 12 hours and he had taken in two quarts of liquid.  He was sent for an MRI - I think it was an MRI anyway, to look for any blockage.

The imaging clinic was across the street, I helped him to the car and out again and into the clinic.  I planted him in the nearest chair and checked him in for the test.  He was given some barium (brain is fuzzy on the substance) to drink.  It was a several hour process… drink this much now and this much more later.  Poor guy, it was horrible tasting and he was miserable and uncomfortable. 

Sitting in the chair, I watched my husband fade before my eyes.  I finally approached the desk and asked if they had an examining table or bed he could lie on and blankets.  By now the chills were non stop.  His color was very disturbing.   Needless to say, I was becoming frightened.  They kindly found him a gurney, a room, and blankets.

By now it was lunch time, he sent me out to pick up his prescriptions so that when the test was complete I could just take him home without needing to stop for medicines.  I reluctantly left his side.  I put in the order for his meds at pharmacy in the big box store.  As I waited, I did some shopping for band aids for my youngest, she was always in need of band aids for real and imagined boo-boos.  Funny how I remember finding Strawberry Shortcake band aids for her.

I called to check in on the girls and to give the report of hubby's condition.  I was teary as I expressed his condition and my concern.  Mom then asked me if I has put him on the church prayer chain.  Duh!  I had not thought of that, I was so caught up in caring for him.  I, of course, had been praying but did not think of including the body of Christ, so caught up in caring for him.  She offered to make the call for me and we hung up.

I received the medicines from the pharmacy, grabbed a sandwich, and rushed back to his side.  I was anxious to return to him.  He was not any better than when I left him.  I ate my lunch, called his parents, and prayed over him.  About 30 minutes later, within 60  minutes of putting him on the prayer chain, he informed me he needed to use the bathroom.  Really?!  A nurse and I assisted him to the restroom with the use of a wheelchair, as I recall.  It was a 'productive' visit to the restroom!  Immediately, he began to feel a bit better and his coloring improved.  They continued with the test, saw nothing, sent him home. He was ill for about a week, it takes a while to recover from such an infection. 

 

I believe that God intervened on his behalf.  Yes, it could have been the stuff they gave him to drink that cleared some sort of blockage.  But I believe that God can use that in His healing process if He chooses.  I am more interested in the timing of when the change occurred.  It was shortly after a call for prayer.  I am ashamed that I had not asked for prayer earlier.  I do not believe it was coincidence that hubby improved as we sought prayer support.  God is all knowing, He knew what we were going through, He was waiting and willing to assist.  We only needed to ask.  Something to remember and never forget.

Do you see that car?

My last post I described how God protected us during a severe storm in 1998.  This got me to thinking about other times God has been clearly evident in my life.  I wish I have been more diligent in writing things down in the past, I am guilty of thinking I will remember and not forget.  But alas, I am human, and thus have a short memory.  Which is why history is doomed to repeat itself over and over again.  In the Bible God's people were instructed over and over again, to build a moment, pass it down to the children, remember .... remember God's faithfulness. 

To memory came another incident where I prayed and God answered.  Had it not been for my daughter in the car, I may have missed His answer and then failed to thank Him and praise Him for caring for us.  All too often, I rely on myself or think of it as coincidence when really it is God taking a very tangible and real role in my life. 

This particular day I was about 50 miles away from home with my two daughters.  I had taken them to a conference for young girls on being a Bright Light for the Lord.  A February day in the upper mid-west can range from sunshine - rain - freezing rain - snow - blizzard.  The conference was held in the southern metro area and I live past the northern edge of the metro area. 

The day started out with rain and developed into freezing rain, at least where I was at in the southern metro area.  I went out at lunch and cleared the windows of the ice developing which turned out to be very wise.  Many others at the end of the day were chipping away at inch or more thick layer of ice on their windows.  My ice layer at the end of the day was considerably thinner due to my previous clearing.  We set out for the drive home which would typically take about an hour.

It was late afternoon when we left.  There was still daylight and although the driving was slow I could see the road and other vehicles in the remaining daylight.  As we drove north the freezing rain turned into snow.  The interstate was crawling along at about 25 mph.  Our drive extended into the second hour as we carefully made our way home. 

Twilight fell as I turned off the main, well traveled interstates and freeways onto the county roads that lead to my home.  The traveling became more slow and careful.  Soon it was dark and the snow was falling heavily and we had passed the two hour mark on our drive.  In a rural area, on a country road in the dark, I could no longer distinguish the ditch from the road.  Gripping the wheel and white knuckled, I prayed aloud something to the effect of "Lord, I can't see the road, please take the wheel and drive us safely home, show the path, in Jesus Name."  I returned to giving my full concentration to driving.

Shortly, a car appeared on the road ahead of us.  I could see its taillights and the tire path on the road ahead of me.  I did not recognize what was occurring ahead of me or how much easier the driving (relatively speaking) had become with the existence of this vehicle.  My daughter from the back seat who was leaning forward trying to assist in identifying the road boundaries, exclaimed "Mom, that car is showing us the way, just as you prayed!"  She was so right and I nearly missed it!!

We continued the final miles to our home following this car.  I was shocked when it turned down my street, a small gravel road.  It continued on down the road right past our driveway, literally showing me the way home.  I turned into the driveway full of about a foot or more of snow, where I promptly got stuck.  I sat back and with my girls thanked the Lord for providing a guide for our drive home and for getting us home safely.

I still am amazed each time I reflect on this event.   The car was not in front of me previously, we were alone on the road  - - a lonely country road.  I did not see a car pull out from a driveway or side road.  And I did not recognize a neighbor as it continued on down my street.  I wonder, did I see an angel?  I do not have the answers.  But I am convinced that it was placed there for me in answer to my prayer.  This was not a coincidence nor was it my own ability that got us home safely that night.

The Big Blow of '98

In 1998 a storm came through leaving damage behind.  We were fortunate the damage, although rather extensive, it did not touch our home.  We were front row witnesses of watching God's hand of protection on our home and family.

May 15, 1998 was a very warm and muggy day.  The forecast  called for potential severe weather.  I made some preparations for this potential: washing dishes, doing a load of laundry, filling buckets of water for toilets, made bottles for the baby, made room for my car in the garage.  I wanted to put my car in the shed as the garage floor was littered with toddler toys, but the tractor was in the way.  So I quickly cleared out the garage floor.  I figured this was the type of storm that we could lose power for a few hours, maybe a bit of hail.  Little did I know...

I spent the morning caring for my babies, preparing for 'potential' weather, and enjoying the beauty of the current weather.  I sat on the screen porch we then had journaling and praying.  I remember being thankful for our home, the beauty of our surroundings, and the wonderful life I was leading.  I also prayed for our protection, specifically protection of our home and lives should storms develop. 

The weather was ripe for storms, very warm, high 90s (F) temperatures, muggy.  One could feel the conditions were ripe for big thunderstorms and maybe tornadoes.  As a child, I was overly afraid of storms, even an innocent dark cloud would send me under the covers.  I decided this particular day, that I would not pass this irrational fear to my children.

I laid my children down for their afternoon nap.  Fans running to try to stay cool in our unairconditioned home.  I kept an eye on the weather by watching the local news stations and radar.  Sure enough, a large storm was making a bee line for our neighborhood.  I stayed calm and remained alert.

The baby awoke first, wearing only a diaper, I placed her in her highchair to feed her.  I noticed the water coming in the back storm door.  I checked to make sure I had closed the window, which I had, and closed the heavier interior door.  My phone rang, it was my mom, wondering if I was doing okay, knowing my fear of storms.  I assured her all was well - remember I was not going to pass on my fear.   Then I glanced out the window, something was amiss, the shed didn't look right.  I called my mom asking her to come over after the storm, I thought we would likely need her as I thought something was 'wrong' with the shed.  The sirens started wailing near her home, she shrieked we all needed to head for cover... she lives a short three miles away.  Our community does not have the sirens, but Mom's does have these warning devices.  Definitely not the day to 'stay calm', I should have been in the basement.  I later learned all the neighbors had taken shelter in their basements.

 

( Before )

I grabbed the baby and headed to my toddler's room to awaken her from her nap.  It was then that I saw the tree down.  Oh!  That was the "booming" sound I heard.  Upon opening the door to my daughter's room, she said, "Mommy, it's storming."  I affirmed her in her astuteness and hustled her to the basement, grabbing the diaper bag, which always had a few snacks in it, on my way down the stairs.  We remained in our old, musty, non-liveable basement for a bit.   I was thankful for that diaper bag with the snacks and a blanket to wrap my nearly naked baby in to ward off the basement chill.  I remember singing "This Little Light of Mine" with my babies.

The phone rang again... my mom wondering how we were and shooing me back to the basement as another wave of storms was to be passing through shortly.  I looked at the shed... definitely it was tilted.  I returned to the basement awaiting the all clear.  The all clear came from my mother bursting through the back door and my husband's arrival home from work.

Remember my prayer of protection?  My husband was driving home during this weather, his timing was such that he missed the hail that caused considerable damage to other motorists, he missed the horrible winds, drove in mostly rain.  God protected him on his commute.



Recall my desire to put the car in the shed?  The garage was untouched.  But the shed was pushed 10 feet off it's foundation.  It definitely did not look 'right'.  The only reason it was standing was the roof was resting and being upheld by the smoke stack on the tractor.  The building was a total loss.  A sad event as it was a historical building, at one time having been a one room school house, moved and converted to a shed.  As we tore down the building, we saved the square nails that it had been used for its construction.  The shed is on the NW corner of our property.  God protected our car and our hobby farm equipment and tools.

 

We also lost 14, 50 foot pine trees, uprooted and laying across the lawn.  The majestic beauties stood in a line in our front yard from the road to the house on the SE side.  Two trees remain standing today, the two that would have fallen on our home crushing the bedroom where my daughter lay napping.  Closer to the house near, infront of those two trees was a huge Box Elder tree that lost branches in any heavy breeze, did not topple nor lose a branch.  God protected my daughter.

                                    (fallen trees)

                                                                                                     (fallen trees root balls)

On all sides damage had been done to our property.  In the middle stood our home which was completely untouched, not a shingle lost.  I had pulled, the previous day, a tumble weed looking old plant -  it lay on the grass where I left it.   The garage where the car was sheltered unscathed.  God protected our home.

The power?  Well, we had power, sort of.  When the shed was pushed off it's foundation it pushed against the guide wire to one of the power poles, making it lean and pulling taut all the power lines to the house.  They did not snap, but it was a precarious situation.  It was not safe to use the electricity. God protected us from live, broken power lines and potential fire.

An incredible testimony to God's faithfulness in our lives.  We have built a new shed and replanted trees.  But we remember His hand of protection always as we look at the remaining two trees tower over our house.