Joseph - Actions Louder Than Words

As we approach the ending of 2011, I pause to send you Christmas greetings.  A time to reflect on the birth of Jesus.  The celebrate on the beginning of His human life as fully man and fully God.  Born to a young virgin and a hard working carpenter.  This year I have pondered Joseph.  Not much is recorded regarding Joseph.  His words are not quoted only his actions.  Actions speak louder than words. 

Joseph was a man of integrity.  What did he feel or think when he learned of Mary's condition?   I imagine feelings of betrayal.  How could she do this to him?  How did he misjudge her?  Maybe he wondered if Mary's father had deceived him, did they think he was so gullible?  And yet despite his reeling feelings he thought to quietly divorce her to protect her, rather than have her publically disgraced and stoned as was his right.  He must have loved Mary very much and/or respected her family highly.

Joseph was a devout Jewish man and responsive to God.  An angel visits him in a dream.   Would you believe a dream in which an angel visits you?  Would you distrust your dreamy, hazy memories?  It must have been a powerful, memorable dream with high impact.  Certainly if the Angel of the Lord visited my dream, I would remember it vividly.  In this dream, he is told to take Mary as his wife and name the baby Jesus, for the babe conceived within her was from the Holy Spirit.  Again, Joseph's words are not recorded but his actions are that of obedience.  It must have been frightful to take this bold action.  What would the community think of him, would his business suffer, would he be ostracized, would his family disown him?  And yet he obeyed.  He surely must have been convinced his "dream" was an actual visit from God.

Joseph was a leader, the head of his household.  When the census decree was declared, he embarked on a journey with his very pregnant, young wife.    A long distance to obey the law, it must have been tempting bend the truth, leave Mary behind as they were only betrothed, their marriage not yet consummated.  I envision him carefully assisting Mary on this journey, watching over her, anxiously trying to provide for her needs on this arduous journey.   This young lady was carrying God, the angel had told him such.

He had a very big responsibility without this journey, being the chosen earthly father of God!!  Can you imagine his frustration when he arrived in Bethlehem to be unable to find lodging?   He must have nearly been frantic.  Mary would have been obviously pregnant near time of delivery.  He must have wondered what God thought of him being unable to provide adequate lodging for Mary.  Perhaps feelings of failure plagued him.  How could he let God down by allowing the mother of His son stay in a stable surrounded by animals?  

Wouldn't you know, that is exactly where and when the baby was to be born.  In a smelly stable, not a proper home.  Was he able to find someone to assist Mary through the delivery?  Were they alone?  He may have wondered what God thought of him now.  Certainly this was not the place for God to enter human life.  But what choice did Joseph have at the time?   His resources were limited being a simple man of simple means and the small village was full due to the census.

The timing of the story is a bit uncertain.  I haven't been able to discern, in my casual research, how long they would have been in Bethlehem for the census.  But we do know that shepherds caring for their flocks in a nearby field were visited by angels proclaiming Christ's birth.  These shepherds found and visited this new family and told them of their story of the angels' proclamations.  Likely the shepherds' presence and story stirred up the surrounding community.  A birth usually draws people but this would be incredulous, people would naturally be curious.  Can you imagine the questions he would have had to answer over and over?  Joseph would have been likely fielding many visitors all while trying to understand what was going on around him.   The son of God born in a stable, angel visits, shepherds, and then wonder of wonders... Kings from afar who followed a star that stops above their own dwelling.   Kings...really?  A star??  Surely he and Mary saw this star.   How could the kings have known this star would lead them to Jesus?  They arrive with gifts - magnificent gifts, much beyond what a carpenter likely ever possessed.    It would have been very overwhelming.

Now we come to the part in this saga of crazy King Herod.  He is determined to kill this baby that threatens his throne.  Again, Joseph is visited by an angel in a dream.  The dream must have struck fear in his heart  as he is told his family is danger from King Herod and to leave immediately.  Again, we have little documented history.  It is recorded he bravely packed up his little family and made for Egypt.  Did he dare tell anyone, even new found friends who are potentially in danger?  Such a lonely position. 

Had Joseph ever traveled so far previously?  We do not know.  I will assume he had never been to Egypt.  How unsettling this must have been for a newlywed husband with a young baby that is not his but God's.  A young wife far away from her mother and family learning how to care for an infant.  Her body recovering from labor and delivery.  All the challenges of being a newlywed and a new parent and now to be on the run for their lives.  Starting a new life in a new country.  Could life be more challenging?  And yet Joseph obeys.

This is all the information I have of Jesus' earthly, adopted father during the time of Jesus' birth.  I like to think  I would have desired to be his friend. Maybe I would have thought he and Mary a bit off kilter.  After all, they would have been telling stories of angels, miraculous pregnancy, shepherds, stars, kings, and other incredulous things.  Yet,  I get a sense his was a respected man of his community.  An intelligent, kind, tender-hearted, hard working, loving man.

Yes, actions speak louder than words.  Josephs actions speak volumes.    It makes me ponder what my actions say about me...  hmmmmm.

Birthdays and Aging

Today is my birthday.  I am another year older, hopefully a little wiser, and young at heart.  I am now at the stage of aging when many do not care to acknowledge the number.  Some dislike birthdays altogether.  I have a few thoughts of my own on this subject.

This past spring, I lost a friend to a cruel disease, Jacob Cruezfeldt at the young age of 42.  She is survived by her husband and two young sons.  Her age is one of those numbers that many wish they did not achieve, instead desiring to stay at some younger age.  In previous years I have lost a cousin at 48, another acquaintance around 45, and yet another at 52,  an my (ex) brother-in-law at 47.  I empathized with friends and acquaintances in life and Facebook of young children's passing due to accidents and disease.  This has altered my perspective on birthdays and aging.

I do not particularly enjoy the aging process.   The aches, the pains, the fatigue.  I am not really fond of gray hairs although I try to have fun calling them sparkles and cover them up with dye.  The wrinkles are not overly appealing.  Yet.... I am here, I am alive, I am mostly healthy!  I do not wish to lose sight of how fortunate I am.   The Psalmist said it best in Psalm 39:4

 ⁴ “Show me, LORD, my life’s end
   and the number of my days;
   let me know how fleeting my life is.

Psalm 139:13-16 tells me I am fearfully and wonderfully made and that before I was created all my days were ordained.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed body, all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

 I read in Ecclesiastes 8:8a that I have no power when my life will end any more than I can contain the wind.

"As no one has power over the wind to contain it, so no one has power over the time of their death."

Today I am 41 years old.  Blessed to celebrate another year of life!  I am not guaranteed another year, month, or even day.   I am hopeful to celebrate many, many more.  As many as the Lord allows, I plan to celebrate the days and years I have been given.

                                

 

 

 

Dewindling Summer

Summer time!  It is already August.  Summer months are quickly coming to an end.  I had grand plans to blog regularly.  Ha!  Summer took over and blogging was a fleeting ideal.   Here in the upper midwest, one must take advantage of these minimal days of long day light hours and warm temperatures.  All too soon, colder temperatures and darkness will descend leaving but a shadow of a memory of summer.

Honestly, my favorite season is Autumn.  It is still warm during the day but the humidity is gone.  The ground is dry and crunchy.  Oh, and I admittedly I am one who likes to wear shorts with a sweatshirt.  Crazy but true.  The downside to Autumn is the constant lessening of daylight hours.  I crave daylight and the long dark days of late autumn and winter are disheartening. 

I am getting ahead of myself... you are probably wondering what I have been doing this summer.  A better question to ask is what is God doing in my life this summer?  Along with mowing the lawn every four to five days, trying to stay cool in the rather ridiculous humidity, I have been seeking God's direction in my life.

This fall is a transition for our family that directly impacts my lifestyle.  After eight years of homeschooling both of my children will be attending school outside our homes.  We are all excited for this transition.  I believe my children have the foundation academically and, more importantly, spiritually to attend school.  Yet this change means that for the first time in 16 years I will have considerable time to myself during the school hours.

As I have pondered the upcoming 'freedom', I have been wondering exactly what I should do with my time.  I am a bit on the lazy side coupled that I am not one  with a desire for an immaculate house (i.e. not a great housekeeper) could be a recipe for a self-centered disaster.  So I have been praying.

Prayer is powerful.  My lazy summer turned into a summer of opportunities to serve in our community.  I have seen first hand and been able to serve those living at poverty level.  Each time I come away humbled and reminded of how blessed and privileged I am in these challenging economic times.

I also had the opportunity to serve at a Christian camp that had an influx of registrations for Jr. High camp.  I answered a plea for help as they sought out additional counselors.  I had a fun and exhausting week.  My cabin was full of a group of beautiful young ladies who stole my heart.  I have the honor of praying for them as they have returned home to finish summer vacation and return to school.  I am reminded that life is not easy for anyone but for teenagers, life is even more challenging!

Now I am looking at the final weeks of summer and wondering just what fall will look like... I believe God has been preparing me for something.  I just am not sure exactly what it is yet.  I am considering taking some classes and researching out ideas in this direction.  I am not necessarily looking for a degree but additional Biblical training and discipleship training seems appropriate. 

I want to be the best I can be in God's Army.  I am a bit scared and at the same thrilled to say "Here am I, use me, send me!"  I am not perfect but neither was Moses, Noah, Joseph, Naomi and Ruth, Job, or David.  I am learning to trust God and let Him make my weaknesses His strengths.

In the meantime, I am sad that summer is ending.  The less structured pace, the sometimes lazy days are all too quickly coming to an end.  Now it is time to prepare for the first days of school and activities.  As well as time to prepare for all that God has in store for me in this next phase of life.

Father's Day Musings

This weekend is Father's Day.  A day set aside to specifically honor fathers.  I am fortunate to have a husband that is a remarkable father to our children.  Below are a few of the traits he exhibits as he parent's his children.  

Tender heart - - I have seen my own husband gently cradle his newborn daughter, gazing at her in pure wonderment and love.  I have watched as he has taken his baby and snuggled with her for a nap on the sofa.  Held her as she ached in illness.  Calm her while she was distraught with pain, fear, or frustration.  Rock his child to sleep as his own arm lost all feeling.  This manly guy can be so gentle and tender caring for his children.  I often had to fight for 'my turn' to hold my baby.  Now as teenagers he continues to show tenderness displaying how a man should treat a young lady with courtesy and respect.

Teacher - - My husband has taught his children many skills with great patience.  How to throw and catch a ball, pound a hammer, mud a wall, grout a floor, climb a ladder...  He has taught them the complexities of scientific concepts and math skills well beyond anything their mother can comprehend.  He has helped them with homework on the phone while traveling for work.  He has interrupted his work day to answer many a question.  Never a teacher that just gives the answer away, he will patiently guide them through the thought process to the answer.

Leader - - He leads our family through all situations, decisions, and tasks.  He leads us in prayer and i ministry.  He leads us in new adventures.   He sets the boundaries for our family - our use of time and finances. 

Encourager - - My children's daddy will encourage them to try new things, never give up, and to try again.  He will purchase books, magazines, equipment to encourage hobbies and new interests.  He will learn along with them as they discover new things.   He has built a giant sized solar system and a potato battery. 

Protector - - From things that go bump in the night to the bugs that needs squashing or the rodent that requires extermination.  He also protects his family guiding them around potential unsavory places and people.  He makes his presence known subtly or overtly conveying - "Mess with her, you must deal with me." 

Silly - - He knows how to be silly and brings a lot of fun to our lives.  He pretends to speak Spanish, he has a dry sense of humor, and great wit. 

Hard worker with strong work ethic to provide  - - Children need things, especially shelter, food, and clothing.  A daddy will do all within his power to provide these essentials for his family.  Sometimes at great sacrifice to himself.  I have seen my own husband's dreams and desires put on hold as he puts his family's needs as a priority.  He works hard to provide attempting to balance the demands of the his job with the demands of his family.

Servant - Through the years our family has been blessed by our fathers in their sacrificial assistance.  From automotive repairs, vehicle loaners, and hard labor in home remodeling projects.  They have consistently and fervently prayed for us.   My husband has served his children in many ways through their childhood and see the potential that he will continue the legacy of service as they are adults.

Our family is blessed with a Daddy not just a father. 

Funk or Fear

It occurred to me this morning that I have been in a funk lately.  Sometimes it takes a bit for  me to realize that a funky mood has descended upon me.  My revelation came to me gradually as I was going about the business of the day.  The business of the day isn't much today, it is summer vacation and we are experiencing a rather pleasant few days of a slower pace.  But you know what? The 'business of the day' is not the going to be the same for me.  A shift is taking place in my life and it is causing a bit of a funk.  Or maybe it is the long, harsh winter, followed by an extended cold spring, with a shot of extreme summer temps and a wild 50 degree swing in the other direction within a matter of days.  What do you think?

Many things are shifting and changing in my life right now.   Our family is moving in a different direction.  My children are now teenagers and their activities are changing.  They are older, needing less of me which is a good thing, what we strive for as parents.  My role is changing and I did not expect these feelings until they went off to college or moved out of home leaving us with an empty nest.

For the past eight years I have been homeschooling our children.  Last year my oldest child attended school outside of our home and it now appears that the youngest will be joining her this fall.  My days of homeschooling are over.  I have had children at my side for the past 15.5 years.  It is  hard to imagine days without them and being home alone.   I feel adrift, a bit useless, and unneeded.  Frankly, I am lacking  direction. The kids are only going to be gone to school for 7 hours each day.  Sheesh, what's my problem, right?

Additionally, in the past 6-9 months we have left an organization that, I, in particular had been highly involved in as an adult volunteer.  It was not anticipated to cease participating altogether, but that is what happened, and seemly rather suddenly.  I have been exploring my options but haven't quite figured out how to incorporate it all into this new phase of our life.

All this means that the community of people I have been associated with for the past eight years will be continuing on without me.  It is natural that to feel a bit a drift during change, I guess.  But it is uncomfortable.

I have a few ideas as to how to fill my new found "freedom" but frankly I am a bit afraid. I am not the ultimate homemaker so the thought of cleaning and cooking 28 hours (random number) of the week will likely morph into 28 hours of avoidance on Facebook, surfing the internet, and watching tv.  I could get a job but in reality the kids still need me for taxi service and homework assistance, a job could make this challenging -  - oh okay, I don't want a job, who am I kidding? 

Add to this thought process an email I received about the future of America (it was a forward and it made some valid points) but I started to feel a little bit of anxiety over these things which I have no control. 

I went for a walk, borrowing my child's iPod, I put on the headphones and started playing Casting Crowns (we just purchased 4 of their CDs).  My mind did not focus on the music but rather on the future and the uncertainty of it.  I said (in my mind) "God, I am afraid of the future."  Almost instantly the words: "Do not be afraid, for I am the Lord your God;  I am always with you." 

 I then recalled how the Israelites wandered the desert for 40 years with the cloud leading them - they had left behind all they knew and had no knowledge of the future. Can you imagine the uncertainty and anxiety of these people? All the jobs and tasks they knew before were to be no more. What would they do? How would they function? Where would they live? Their whole lives had shifted dramatically. They could only follow.  And I realized, God was with them in that cloud or pillar of fire.  He never left them, He always provided,  and He always made a way.

Wow.  I still do not have the answers for the future.  I still don’t have any control over the uncontrollable; I still do not know what my role will be as we make this family shift.  But I am feeling more confident in the reminder that God is always with me, leading me, walking beside me, carrying me.  Even in a time of storm - which for me, at this moment, is a time of uncertainty.

"I will Praise you in this Storm
and I will life my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this Storm"

The last song I heard on the iPod as I walked up the driveway to the backdoor.

Struggling dogwood

Gardening is the topic of choice today.  I am capable of gardening but it is not my passion.  I do not have a 'green thumb'.  I am never sure if it is a plant or weed, especially when young so I tend to leave most everything.  By the time it is identifiable it is overwhelmingly weedy.  I don't really enjoy being in the sun  and most gardening cannot be done in the shade.  Add to that mix, that I am not a detailed oriented person.  This does not make for a great gardener.

However, this past weekend, it was not raining and we were home for an afternoon. We tackled some overdue  yard work items.  Winter was long and harsh, Spring was equally long and cold.  My hubby got his tractor with the assistance of our oldest daughter, running the disc and plow through the small field that is used as a garden plot by my father-in-law.  My youngest daughter planted a few pots of flowers.  I went to work on the bushes in the front yard.

These bushes were planted about four years ago.  I bought these little guys on clearance during a hot, dry July.  My idea was to plant them to provide some protection from the road.  There are Burning Bushes, Maple Amurs, and Dogwoods.  We have a bit of property and the front of the yard is a long ways from the spigot.  I carried water to the bushes by the bucketful to make sure they did not die during the drought we were experiencing. 

Four years later, these bushes are still struggling.  Not much bigger than when I planted them, I have been disappointed in their progress  I am also not really thrilled with mowing around them, especially since they are not thriving as I had hoped.  The dogwoods really are struggling - mostly sticks with few leaves.  There were only two of these and I finally mowed down one of them last year. 

But off I went to clear out the grass and weeds growing up and through the plants, taking their water and chocking them.  I pulled out the grass and weeds.  I also put in fertilizer spikes, something I probably should have been doing each year, One or two of the bushes are beginning to show promise. But the remaining dogwood is not doing well at all.  When I pulled away all the grass I found a few short sticks of growth with a handful (about 4) of small leaves.  Definitely not thriving and it looks like the deer have found it tasty as well.  I am considering mowing down this non-productive plant.  I realize the soil is not the best in this part of my yard but I was hoping these hardy plants would make it.

The same time I planted those bushes, I also planted a row of pine trees.  These guys were small, in one gallon pots.  I have carefully tended to them through several years of drought and protected them from the plow of the tractor (they are on the edge of the field).  I am delighted to report that they are growing quite well.    The lawn tractor is no longer a threat and they are more easily seen from larger farm equipment.  I do not mind mowing around them just to see the progress they are making; the growth each year is pleasing.  They are planted in clay, loamy soil and loving it! 

This made me think about the Heavenly Gardner.  How He plants me, nurtures me, pulls at the weeds, carefully mows around me, and I disappoint Him in my growth.  Year after year He continues to tend to me, with much more skill and patience than I have for my bushes.   I know I disappoint my Heavenly Gardner and wonder if He is getting tired of continuing carefully tending to me, much like I am with the bushes.  I wonder if He wishes I was more like those pine trees - putting down a deep tap root, pulling from water deep down, and shooting upward and outward.  I know that is what I desire to be - a thriving, growing tree rather than a struggling, little bush in danger of being mowed over and forgotten forever.  Gives me much for thought and thankfulness that the Heavenly Gardner has much more patience than I do for that struggling Dogwood.  Hmmmm... wonder if I should transplant that bush?