Who's that in the mirror?

Have you ever looked in the mirror and wondered who you were seeing? Maybe felt confident, assured but then something rocked your core? Have you wondered and considered why all of the sudden you can't cope as usual? Who is this person in the mirror?

This week, I have looked in the mirror, the inner mirror and wondered who I am? From where did this stem? Well, I adopted a dog. She is bigger than I had intended, was a little impulsive and brought this 80 pound, not as mellow as was told, dog into my home. I asked all sorts of questions, except the cat question. I have cats, what was I thinking?

Gracie is an 80 pound, 4.5 year old, lab/springer mix dog. A city dog that has not seen much wild life much less a cat. My home is small and an active, hyper, cat fixated dog is messing with my nerves! I haven't eaten, slept much at all in 4 days. Great weight loss program but not recommended.

But I wonder, why am I not coping? It is change, but I brought this change upon myself. Both of my children fell in love with her and when I discussed with them the idea that Gracie may be able to stay with us - they burst into tears. I was particularly surprised by DD#1's reaction. She wasn't sure about a dog in previous discussions but now is in total adoration of Gracie.

What is a mother to do? DH who wasn't desiring a dog, has been incredibly supportive! Discussing underground fence and other ideas to smooth things over.

But my anxiety! I have never felt like this previously. I am high strung and prone to over think and over react. But this is different, usually I eat and eat under stress; now I can't hardly tolerate food. My thoughts are racing, my chest hurts, I feel sick to my stomach.... I have wondered if I am losing my mind.

I have family members who deal with high anxiety. DH has suggested that God is using this experience to give me greater empathy. So is this a lesson from God's book? DD#1 likes having a constant companion (now for Gracie to bond with her more than I).

I have much to work through... live in the moment, deal with the things that concern me as they come, not worry about the future, not over-reactive, find the positives, breathe deep, relax, talk to the Lord, and stay focused on Him.

Already, Gracie is teaching us the importance of exercise, routine, calm assertiveness, living in the moment.

More lessons to come.... now for the cats and dog to sort out their dominance *sigh*