Are you still there, reading my blog even though I have abandoned you.  I have been silent for a long, long time.  I have essays that float around in my spacious noggin, they flit, float, fly away.  A few have tried to make it to paper, but the actual written form does not live up to the 'mind blog'.  It is flat, dull and not worthy of the digital ink and paper.

It has been a long, cold, snowy, cold winter season.  Did I mention the cold?  Somewhere, somehow I developed adhesive capulitis of the shoulder, also known in layman terms as frozen shoulder.  The range of my arm movement has been restricted and I am now in physical therapy to restore full movement.  I blame the cold, the arctic cold, the arctic plunged, it froze the air, the land, and my shoulder.  Apparently, my brain too, gone into a deep hibernation.  Everything is beginning to thaw ever so slowly.  

Now Spring is here, at least according to the calendar.  Yesterday, one could see the brown grass yet to turn green, the snow was diminishing.   Looking out my window today, one would not have any indication of Spring.  The landscape is white covered in a fresh layer of glistening snow.  Just a few hours ago, the view out the window was much of a snow globe shaken and swirling.  Much like the words, thoughts, stories in my head.

As Spring attempts to overcome Winter, as my shoulder 'thaws' giving my mobility once again, hopefully my mind will also thaw, organize, and again allow written words to come forth.  

Thank you for your patient.  You know who you are, my faithful readers and cheerleaders.

Freedom comes with a price

Human spirit craves for freedom but at the same time desires to control and oppress.  It is a conflict of good and evil, started in the Garden of Eden and that fateful apple.  Wars are fought in protect freedom, to gain freedom, to be free.

Many a warrior have paid the ultimate sacrifice, losing their lives to enable me to live in the 'Land of Free and the Home of the Brave'.  Many a warrior has come home scarred by the terror of war.  To live the rest of their lives with the nightmares of battle.  They return home, to normal, without their comrades, their best friends, their buddies.  They return home to people, who while they were away fighting a war, lived on fairly normally and unable to understand the invisible scars and wounds they will forever carry.

My dad's cousin fought in the trenches of the Great War, WWII.  A gentle man, who danced with my baby girl in his arms.  My husband's uncles battled on the fields of Vietnam.  Men of great laughter and a love of life.  The terrors these men witnessed is beyond my comprehension.

Today, one of these uncles shared the below statistics.  A young man that was fortunate to have returned home as well as his brother.  Other families were not as lucky.  Families and communities forever, irreparably changed when these lives were lost.

My challenge to you:  Thank a veteran, hug a veteran, remember their buddies, never forget the sacrifices made so that you may live free.

**

A little history most people will never know.

Interesting Veterans Statistics off the Vietnam Memorial Wall

There are 58,267 names now listed on that polished black wall, including those added in 2010.

The names are arranged in the order in which they were taken from us by date and within each date the names are alphabetized. It is hard to believe it is 36 years since the last casualties.

The first known casualty was Richard B. Fitzgibbon, of North Weymouth , Mass. Listed by the U.S. Department of Defense as having been killed on June 8, 1956. His name is listed on the Wall with that of his son, Marine Corps Lance Cpl. Richard B. Fitzgibbon III, who was killed on Sept. 7, 1965.

There are three sets of fathers and sons on the Wall.

39,996 on the Wall were just 22 or younger.

8,283 were just 19 years old.

The largest age group, 33,103 were 18 years old. 
12 soldiers on the Wall were 17 years old.

5 soldiers on the Wall were 16 years old.

One soldier, PFC Dan Bullock was 15 years old.

997 soldiers were killed on their first day in Vietnam .

1,448 soldiers were killed on their last day in Vietnam .

31 sets of brothers are on the Wall.

Thirty one sets of parents lost two of their sons.

54 soldiers attended Thomas Edison High School in Philadelphia . 
Why so many from one school?

8 Women are on the Wall, killed while nursing the wounded.

244 soldiers were awarded the Medal of Honor during the Vietnam War; 153 of them are on the Wall.

Beallsville , Ohio with a population of 475 lost 6 of her sons.

West Virginia had the highest casualty rate per capita in the nation. There are 711 West Virginians on the Wall.

The Marines of Morenci - They led some of the scrappiest high school football and basketball teams that the little Arizona copper town of Morenci (pop. 5,058) had ever known and cheered. They enjoyed roaring beer busts. In quieter moments, they rode horses along the Coronado Trail, stalked deer in the Apache National Forest . And in the patriotic camaraderie typical of Morenci's mining families, the nine graduates of Morenci High enlisted as a group in the Marine Corps. Their service began on Independence Day, 1966. Only 3 returned home.

The Buddies of Midvale - LeRoy Tafoya, Jimmy Martinez, Tom Gonzales were all boyhood friends and lived on three consecutive streets in Midvale, Utah on Fifth, Sixth and Seventh avenues. They lived only a few yards apart. They played ball at the adjacent sandlot ball field. And they all went to Vietnam . In a span of 16 dark days in late 1967, all three would be killed. LeRoy was killed on Wednesday, Nov. 22, the fourth anniversary of John F. Kennedy's assassination. Jimmy died less than 24 hours later on Thanksgiving Day. Tom was shot dead assaulting the enemy on Dec. 7, Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day.

The most casualty deaths for a single day was on January 31, 1968 ~ 245 deaths - the day after the launch of the Tet Offensive.

The most casualty deaths for a single month was May 1968 - 2,415 casualties were incurred.

For most Americans who read this they will only see the numbers that the Vietnam War created. To those of us who survived the war, and to the families of those who did not, we see the faces, we feel the pain that these numbers created. We are, until we too pass away, haunted with these numbers, because they were our friends, fathers, husbands, wives, sons and daughters. There are no noble wars, just noble warriors.

**

A princess married to her prince

Getting married is easy 

Staying married is more difficult 

Staying happily married for a lifetime should rank among the fine arts.

--unknown

I was lonely living by myself in the city.  Alone in an apartment.  A girl, young and naive, although an adult by legal standards - a grown up.  On my own, working in the professional world of business while my childhood friends were perusing higher education on college campuses.  I did not feel like I had a friend in the world while sitting alone in the sparsely appointed apartment.  I could not relate to friends of my age, living contrasting lives of the 'real' world versus the 'college' world.

My uncle and I had teased one another about finding the man for me to marry. He said he'd find me a young, rich fellow - a lawyer, doctor, or engineer while I looked for a good looking guy.  I was okay with that idea but I yearned for more.   I found myself alone in my humble abode with a boom box and black/white television for company. Raised on Biblical teachings, I turned to prayer in search of a friend, a confident, a companion, a husband. a life long mate.

Somewhere in my young life I had heard of making a list of the qualities desired in a spouse.  I am not sure I put ink to paper, but I had a list.  These years later, I am not sure I can recall each trait.  I am sure good looking was on there somewhere, rich probably made the list too.  I do recall praying.  I do recall being completely unworthy of the God listening to me, I still am unworthy except for my status through Jesus' redemption.  Yet I prayed.

I remember asking for a guy that can fix anything.  Why?  Because I did not want to worry about repair bills. I think having someone that can repair a toaster or a car is valuable indeed.  

I also distinctly asking for a man that loves Jesus and lives by Biblical principals. Why?  I think this explains itself, a man that loves Jesus is the best trait in a husband.  'Nuf said.

I desired a guy who would be a good father.  A leader of his family.  Firm but gentle.  Loving and kind.

I desired traits such as kindness, generosity, funny, loving, hard working, good looking.  I may have thrown in there a profession of lawyer, doctor, or engineer.

Pretty good list of a girl, a naive girl. 

Not too long from this little prayer, a young man took pity upon me.  He befriended me, took me on fun outings, included me in his family.  I developed a serious crush.  Never I had known a guy to show me such respect and kindness.  I was disappointed when he told me I was like a sister.  I was devastated as he moved across the country, on rather short notice, for an internship to begin his career.

Yet, God had a plan.  This young man showed me how a great man behaves, how he treats a girl.  At his going away party, a group of young people came into room.  In this group was a guy that caught my eye.  I distinctly remember him my first memory of the man God had chosen for me.

This 'guy' caught my fancy.  I am not sure why, he just did.  I kept an eye on him.  Where?  Church.  A large church with several services.  But we were in the same Sunday School group, so we attended the same service and sat in the same room in a smaller group.  I kept my eye on him.  It wasn't long before we were engaged in conversation, as one keeps an eye on another, the two tend to come toe to toe.

Our dating relationship did not last long.  I was just a babe, not yet 19 when we began dating.  He just a bit older.  I was mature beyond my years having earned some of my maturity through a few hardships. God blessed the guy I had my eye on with intelligence and wisdom.  I did not fully know it in those early days, but something in me recognized it.

I would discover he had many of the traits I prayed for previously.  Most importantly he loved Jesus.  Yet in future days we would both falter in our walk with Jesus, our foundations never left us.  He is a guy that has the ability to fix anything, he is kind, generous, and much more.  God instilled in him traits I did not even think to ask for in my youth such as intelligence, work ethic, stability, wisdom, and faithfulness. Custom made for me.

We married young, as I look back, very young.  I felt very mature as a young lady just out of my teens.  Oh! I had much growing up to do. Growing up we did - - together.  We learned together.  We struggled, we succeeded, we failed together.  God knew we were for one another.  Two very different people.  I am convinced, if we had searched for one another on one of those dating sites, we would not have been paired up on compatibility, so very different are we.  But here we are still together for over two decardes.  We forged our way, we developed a partnership, a marriage.

Not always easy, but definitely worth the effort.  I am married to a nearly perfect guy.  I failed to mention in my prayer for a guy to fix anything in a timely manner, one that doesn't procrastinate.  There are many a day I wished I had added that trait in my prayer.  But it is overcome by the many traits I did not dream of in that dream prayer.

Oh, did I mention, he's a engineer by education?  I chuckle today, I got my engineer.   We are not wealthy but we are comfortable.  I am a princess married to a prince.  I am spoiled by a loving husband.  I am more in love with him today than on our wedding day.  I am not just fortunate, I am blessed.  God heard a young girl's heart desire and answered with abundant generosity.  

All traits were not obvious initially.  They developed in time and continue to develop.  We have been together in this journey of life for more than half of our lives.  It is an adventure I cherish and look forward to every year.  I am nearly giddy each year as we approach and celebrate our anniversary. I love to see the number of years together grow higher and higher.  I pray that God will give us long lives of years together as I now can't imagine life without him.  It is important to celebrate this most important earthly relationship, to cherish it, to nurture it.

A princess married to her prince.  Our King is the King of Kings.  There is no better place to be than by the side of my prince serving the King. 

Running!

Maybe you aware of this, perhaps I have shared it, many of you who read my ramblings know me personally so I have probably made your ears hurt talking about running.  I am still in shock myself that I am running.

Ok, my new fettish is only 3.5 months old and I'm on my second pair of shoes.  The furthest I have run 4.5 miles and only once or twice at that distance.   I suck air, I dread going out, I self talk myself into continuing when I would rather stop and just walk home, I definitely run to eat.  I am thrilled when I am done!  I think about the treat I can reward myself with as I run.  But now, a subtle shift is occurring, dare I say it?  I am beginning to like it.  Yes, like, almost enjoy running when nothing is chasing me!  Crazy talk, I know.

For a girl that was told by her chiropractor a few years ago to stop running when I confessed my activities and walked into his office a mess, this is amazing accomplishment to run.  I run and do not have to visit the chiropractor.  I run and the nagging whiplash injury of 25 years ago does not flare.  I run and my knees tell me that 2-3 miles is enough, so do my lungs.  I run!

I am so,thankful everyday for the physical abilities I have that day. I am not crippled by arthritis, nor fighting a dreadful disease, I have minimal pain, I suffer the normal aches of one aging, and now I can run!  

Here is a pic taken at the most recent 5K I participted.  My cherished gear pieces are my sunglasses, and my tunes.  Sunglasses to protect my eyes from glare and dust as I run the gravel roads and tunes to motivate me.

Hue-Hue 5K fun run

Where is the sun?

Recent days there have been reports of the amount of gray days we have seen here in Minnesota.  Depending on the report, 15-25 days in the past 90 days have had sunshine.  Our spring has been cooler than normal, gloomy, rainy, downright dismal.  The good news?  It is nearing the Summer Solstice so our daylight hours are abundant.  It is light from 5 am to nearly 10 pm.  So even though it is gloomy, it is not dark and gloomy, as it can be in December and January.

Many are complaining.  We have a right as Minnesotans that survive the harshness of winter to desire and clamor for spring.  We have earned it.  After days of bitter cold, snow covered, tree barren, sometimes brown grass season, dark days, we have earned bright days full of sunshine, green grass, butterflies, and birds.  This spring has not brought to us what we consider our just desserts.

Rather this spring has brought snow, late spring snows in May!  Our children were kept home April 30 due to a major snow storm.  We did not see green grass and leaves on trees until mid-May.  Birds arrived in April trying to survive the snow and cold.  Some of us have fed them faithfully.  When the snow stopped, the rain began to fall.  There was a day in in the midst that was 98 degrees where we sweltered to be returned to the 50s and 60s.   The heat is still on in most homes, our shorts and t-shirts still tucked away in the back of closets and in bins under the bed. Definitely not a spring of rewards following a winter season of cold and snow.

I have pondered this cold spring.  I called my father that has lived his entire life, as I, in Minnesota.  I received confirmation that indeed this is not the first nor only spring that is cold and snowy.  In fact, it isn't all that rare.  Dad and I reminisced of previous cold springs.

As others have complained and lamented, I have been more quiet in appreciation of this spring.  Well, once the snow stopped, I appreciate this spring weather.   I am not one for high heat and humidity.  In our home where the weather is the land of extremes - extreme cold and windchills countered with high heat and humidity indexes.  I am enjoying these days where I can walk out the door with only a sweatshirt and shoes rather than parka and boots.  My heat is not running daily and we do not require an air conditioner.  Much easier on the budget in the heating and cooling category.  We also cope with our national state bird, the mosquito in spring and summer.  I am enjoying the cooler temps keep this pesky insect in hibernation.  No complaints here.

So yes, I am enjoying our cooler than normal spring.  I like to walk and jog, these are perfect temperatures for outdoor exercise.  I like snuggling with a blanket on cooler evenings.  I have an abundance of sweatshirts being drawn to them as a moth to a flame.  This is ideal temperatures to wear them and give each an opportunity to see the light of day.

I have considered complaining of the lack of sunshine.  It would be terrible if not for the abundance of daylight.   It has been hard to keep my chin up, have motivation, and stay off the sofa.  And yet, the news is filled with tragedy.  Oklahoma has been devastated with tornadoes as well as many other states.  My home state is prone to these destructive beasts and this is tornado season.  We have been spared intense storms with our cooler weather.  Unfortunately, the storms have been record breaking huge for those to the south of us, leveled towns, and taken lives.  I do not think I will complain about a lack of sunshine.

Others have dealt with record rains.  Their river banks over flowing, basements flooded.   I do not think I will complain about a lack of sunshine.

And yet others are coping with wildfires that consuming acres of land and turning homes into ashes.   I do not think I will complain about a lack of sunshine.

And others are grieving loss of loved ones from shootings and bombings.   I do not think I will complain about a lack of sunshine.

Take heart Minnesota friends.  I am confident that eventually we will get our sunshine and warm days.  It may be a while.  But in the meantime be thankful for all we have and that we are not suffering devastating loss.  Enjoy going out to the car and driving away immediately without the requirement of first warming it up and scraping windshields.  Enjoy the lower cooling and heating bill.  Enjoy the long days of daylight.  Rather than the beach, enjoy long walks and times around the bon fire without the pesky mosquito.  Being thankful the drought is ending with the rain.  Love the green grass and leaves we have been granted.  Look for the beauty in the midst of gloominess.

Easter Ponderings

For me, Easter should 'feel' like spring.  Bright sunshine, warm breezes, clear blue sky, green grass, birds singing, butterflies, pastel dresses, pretty open toed shoes, hats, and egg hunts.  Not this year, or many years where I live, as the day dawned with a lack of sunshine, gray skies, snow covering potential green grass, cold breeze, snow showers, winter coats, definite lack of butterflies.  It just did not 'feel' like Easter as a snow shower rained down on us.

My thoughts turned to the very first Easter.  No matter the weather of the day, bright sunshine or overcast skies; warm temperatures or cold breezes, likely Jesus' mother, would have only noticed the cold, dark emotional upheaval and grief.  She and others that loved him  have just been through the most emotional filled turmoil few days of their lives.  The week began on a high of Palm Sunday with Jesus being celebrated as he entered Jerusalem.  Songs, palm leaves, celebrity status.  The week ended in the worst possible way as the people turned on Jesus, ultimately crucifying him on in a gruesome manner on the cross.

Mary, Jesus' mother, has always intrigued me.  I am awed by her faith, complete obedience to God, and acceptance to her situation.  Very contrary to my personal tendency to question everything and do things my way.  But Mary, she had special intimacy with the most Holy, most High God as she carried His only son in her womb.  When the Angel told her she would conceive this baby miraculously, she accepted it with these words of Luke 1:38 “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” 

Beyond her complete acceptance and obedience, Mary was the mother of this baby, rearing him into adulthood.  I am of a mother of two,I have my experiences of babies and children of my own and a few others. Somehow, I don't think any of these children are anything like baby Jesus. I wonder what it was like to raise the Lord Jesus.  He was fully human and fully God, perplexing for a simple minded soul like myself.  Surely as a baby, he cried when hungry, wet diaper, cold, uncomfortable, or just wanting to be held. Most certainly he 'fell down and went boom', bruised, cut, hurt.  Scripture speaks of siblings.  What of sibling rivalries?  Or of teenage attitudes?  Did Jesus need to be reminded to watch his tone?  Be kind to his siblings?  Eat his vegetables?  Do his chores?  Did little Jesus ever require a spanking or discipline of any type?  I believe raising Jesus was a completely different experience than raising her other children as Jesus never sinned... never.

Can you imagine looking into your child's eyes to realize he looks directly into your soul, knowing you better than yourself?  How does one respond to a child that knew scripture better than the most learned teachers of the time?  How could he be comforted,  the one who can heal completely any physical or spiritual wound?  Yet, Mary had this honor, privilege, and even challenge.

Mary was there, the first Palm Sunday through Easter.  How her mother's heart must have been beyond comfort.  She may have cried until only dry tears flowed.  Her heart ached and broke as she watched all the horrible proceedings.  The scourging as Jesus was beat beyond recognition, the crown of thorns, the jeering, the tortuous walk carrying his cross, the nails, the crucifixion, his death. She may have been unable to look yet unable to not look.  Unable to stay away, desiring to comfort her boy, seeking out His eyes to likely to find them strangely calm and deeply sad, trying to understand those things she 'pondered in her heart' as she raised him. Attempting to make sense of it all.

The time between His death and resurrection would have been bleak and grief riddled.  Even if the sun was shining would she have noticed, as her personal world was dark with little hope?  This miraculous baby she conceived and raised to a man now dead, how does He now save the world?  How does God die?  She perhaps went through her own personal faith crisis.  I would, I know I would have a faith crisis.  In desperation, I would visit his grave, perhaps only to leave by coercion.  That first Easter morning would have felt cold, dark, bleak much like my Easter morning this year.

This Easter of 2013, the clouds cleared away, the sun shone bright, the birds began to sing.  Perhaps much like how the word spread that Jesus is alive, death did not hold him, the tomb is empty.  The day brightened, the dark clouds of despair cleared, the day brightened as hope renewed.  Jesus is alive!