Conflicts in Marriage

How do you handle a conflict or difference of opinion in a marriage relationship?  That has been my challenge recently.  My beloved and I approach most things in a completely different manner.  We do not think in the same way.  Sometimes we will arrive at the same conclusion but just as often we do not.  Both of us must articulate our thoughts to 'make our case' to each other.

It is said that opposites attract!  That is true in our relationship.  Hubby is an engineer, very systematic, logical, linear, and thorough in his thought process.    He is very knowledgeable and articulate.  Usually what comes out of his mouth has been thought out before it is even considered to be uttered past his lips.  He can analyze a situation and usually has very valid points for his opinion (even if I happen to disagree with him).

I am very scattered in my thoughts.  I have a tendency to latch onto one idea or statement.  I do not think thoroughly or sequentially.  Next to hubby, I often feel like my head is full of fluff and stuff.  I just do not have the same ability to analyze as he.  His depth of knowledge and ability to quickly learn is not my gifting but I make up for it in enthusiasm.   I can visualize the final product but not so much  the steps that it takes to get there.  I am quick in my thought process and just as quick to speak it. 

So very different.  It makes life interesting.  While pregnant with our oldest daughter, we renovated her bedroom.  It was completely gutted to the studs and rebuilt.  Many minute details and decisions have to be made in remodeling.  This can lead to some intense conversations between my beloved and I.  One particular decision was a light/ceiling fan fixture for the room.  We spent most of the pregnancy looking at countless fixtures.  Trying to find one we both liked.    Now to the above thought process add pregnancy hormones.  You can imagine the fun we had during that time!!  Finally we found one and it is likely to never come off the ceiling. 

Remodeling is difficult in the best of circumstances.  It has tried our relationship and marriage.  I remember telling him I never wanted to build a home.  Instead we bought an old home that is requiring remodeling.  UGH!  Have I mentioned the endless decisions?  Hubby has taken things into his own hands and not even given me the opportunity on quite a few of the details.  Most of the time I am okay with this but not always - - depends on the mood, I guess.  The best solution he has come up with is to narrow the selection down to 2-4 choices.  I then am much better able to make a decision.  Although, more than once I have frustrated him with not liking anything. 

Our  most recent discussion item hasn't been in remodeling or construction.  Although that process has helped us both learn how to talk to one another.  This time it is over life and home management and planning.  Again, we approached it from opposite directions.  And again, we struggled to find common ground and understanding.  And again, it took time.  Yet, we are making process.  Slowly but surely.

It really is about listening and compromise.  A marital relationship requires humility, selflessness, listening , and respect.  I rediscover over and over again those qualities will always keep the love alive.  Without those things in your relationship, love is squelched and has a difficult time flourishing.    (*wink* Hiring a designer to help in the remodeling process is also a marriage saver.)