I still have such a strong feeling of injustice. As an acquaintance, my current socialization with M is primarily through Facebook. Our last encounter, at a mutual friend's home a few years ago. I am not at all sure, in her current condition if she will recognize or remember me. Certainly her young boys don't know me anymore. That being said, I have enjoyed her friendship and her funny wit. As we both consider our mutual friend a best friend, that makes the two of us friends by default.
My current position in this crisis in M's life is to be a friend of prayer and to support our mutual friend - C. C has a big role in M's life right now, being a point person of communication for family and friends, as well as handling details of her life as business owner. My own heart breaks for M and for C. Witnessing friends suffer is not a pleasurable experience.
So disturbing throughout this process, is the rapid deterioration of M. This has taken place at seemingly lightning speed. There hasn't been time discussion, for planning, for.... saying good-bye.
Other disturbing instances have occured, such as, her moments of clarity and ability to speak. She speaks in context and has indicated that she knows what is going on around her. I can think of very few things more undesirable than being trapped inside my mind. M is intelligent, creative, bold, vocal, articulate... oh to be trapped, what kind of cruel joke is this being played?
It makes me want to vent! The bottled up emotions, the sense of unfairness. It is all too close to home. She is in my peer group - could this happen to my family? But that is self thinking - - M, her family, and C need support right now.
My sense of empathy is strong so my mind races through questions. Things to the effect of: Why? Why now? What about her new dream home that she is suppose to move into this weekend? What of her boys - - can they understand, is there someone to hug them? Doesn't she deserve the opportunity to live out her dreams of a beautiful home, watching her children grow, being old with her husband, being a friend, cultivating memories?
A friend from highschool really helped me in assisting in putting things into perspective of the unfairness: Quoting "...the only thing that makes life "fair" is that the Savior suffered for all of us so that He would know what we are going through and can carry some of the pain as we allow Him to take it. Remember that he will be carrying your friend and her family when they are unable to walk. Keep the faith!"
Yes, it is completely unfair that Jesus, who lived a short perfect life as man. He was God and Man at the same time. Innocent and punished for the sins of all mankind that started in the Garden of Eden with the "fall of man". Nothing much more brutal than to be beaten beyond recognition, and to die a horrible, painful death on the cross. And for what crime? The sin of the world.
My hope, my inner joy, is that death could not conquer, could not hold Him down. He defeated death by rising from the grave. Bringing hope to all who believe in Him. That He, Jesus, God's son, lived, died, and rose again. If we are to believe in Him we can have the hope and assurance of living in eternity with Him in heaven.
We are not promised an easy road on earth. Reading the Bible is evident of that... biblical men and women suffered and toiled here on this earth. A commentary/study book I began reading this morning on the biblical book Ruth of affirmed this by stating:
An honest reading [of the Bible] also reveals a God who doesn't explain himself. He didn't tell Job about his earlier conversation with Satan and he didn't give Naomi three good reasons why her world fell apart. Both sufferers went to their graves with their whys unanswered and the ache of their losses still intact. But somehow, because they met God in their pain, both also gained a deeper kind of trust in him that weathers adversity and refuses to let go of God.The Gospel of Ruth: Loving God Enough to Break the Rules by Carolyn Custis James.
It does not make the pain of these trying times any less painful. But the knowledge that God does infact have everything in control is comforting. I need to remember, He does not have any need to explain anything to me.
Continuing to pray....
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